We Interrupt this Happiness...

As we grieve, we are so grateful for the many friends and family who have come around us and loved us and prayed for us and with us. Scripture encourages us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15 On this journey we are traveling, we are so blessed to have so many who are willing to mourn with us.

Over and over, I have read, been told, and experienced that everyone grieves in their own way. It is a personal thing. For me it is intensely personal while my husband is more free to invite others to grieve with him. When I am with others, I more often want to experience life as ‘normal’. I don’t want to be different than anyone else in the room. I experience my grief in my quiet times with the Lord and when it arises throughout the day, I talk with God about it and allow Him to be my Healer.

At the same time, I am very free to talk about our son, to remember things he did or said and the impact he has had and continues to have on our lives. He is not ‘gone’ from our lives, though he now lives in heaven. Everyone who ever interacted with him carries those memories and whatever impact, great or small, he had on them. It is not hurtful to talk about him, but rather often healing. It is not a taboo subject that will take me deeper into grief, but rather helps me find my way through grief.

Another aspect of grieving in our own way is that our timing is all different. Some grieve deep and quickly and ‘move on’ sooner. Others grieve more slowly and are not ready to ‘move on’ quite as early. But mostly, we experience that day by day and minute by minute, the grief comes and goes. While initially we were not sure we would ever feel joy and happiness again, God was quick to point out that He is our source of joy and He is still here! And yes, we experience joy often.

We are blessed as we approach Christmas that people are very concerned for us noting that it will be a particularly hard time for us. Again, we appreciate the concern and the prayers. Be assured that the same God who has walked with us every step of the way will be with us every day and every minute of December as well.

I believe that our expectations have a lot to do with how we experience things. My expectations for Christmas are that while there will likely be moments of pain and sorrow, there will also be joy as we experience Christmas differently this year. I choose to focus on the people around me who I love and enjoy being with. I choose to celebrate the awesome love of God who chose to come down and walk in our shoes, experiencing life from the human side and then being without sin still chose to die for us in order for us to live with Him. I choose to love others by giving to those who can give nothing in return, by helping to provide a Christmas meal for the homeless. I choose joy.

Yet, as some friends approach me this month, even as I am experiencing the joy that the Lord gives me, I find, “We interrupt this moment of happiness…” to find out how you are “really” doing. They don’t seem to believe the happiness on my face and seek to dig deep and help me express my “real” feelings of sorrow. Might I just point us back to the teachings of Paul: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15 If I am mourning, by all means please comfort me with a hug and understanding words like, “This must be really hard for you.” But when I am rejoicing, please help me continue to rejoice – to enjoy the moment of happiness I am experiencing. When I am rejoicing, it is not the time to be my ‘counselor’ and help me work through my grief. Rejoice with me that God is good all the time and that I am experiencing laughter in my life once again. When I respond to, “How are you doing?” with “We are doing really well,” please don’t question my integrity in my answer. That doesn’t mean that I don’t miss my son. It doesn’t mean that there is no big hole in my heart that will never fully heal this side of heaven. It means that we are navigating our journey with Jesus, our true Comforter, and are finding peace and joy as He provides for us. Trust me to know when I need a friend to talk to and know that if you are that friend I need, I will find you. When I choose joy, rejoice with me! Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4 Our tendency in this verse is to focus on the mourning. I want to focus on the being comforted. As we are comforted, we can once again experience joy in our lives. We have the eternal comfort of knowing our son lives in heaven. And while we will always miss him, we have today to live for Jesus, to be His love, His hands, and His feet to go to those who need Him. In that we will experience great joy.