“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.’” Lamentations 3:22-24
I woke up this morning with the song, “Great is Thy Faithfulness,” on my mind. Tomorrow, it will be a year since our son suddenly went to be with Jesus. And I have to admit that during the past few weeks, I have once again experienced a higher level of unsettledness in my emotion. But each time the emotion surfaces, God’s Spirit within me quietly reminds me, “I have been with you every day and I will continue to be with you. Keep your eyes on me.”
And then I begin to recount the ways God has been faithful. There is not much use in dwelling on the theology or doctrine of suffering. If we learn nothing else from Job, we can see that the arguing of doctrine among his friends only took Job further from his source of comfort. What Job craved was communion and comfort from God. When God finally spoke, the first words out were, “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone – while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?” Job 38:2-7
Job’s response was meek. “Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know… My ears have heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” Job 42:3b, 5-6
It is so easy to think that we are in control of our own little worlds – if I do this, then that will happen. We design our own “truth” and believe that the total results in our lives are dependent upon what we say and do. We forget that we are created beings and there is a God whose wisdom and knowledge are far beyond anything we can think or imagine. Paul says, “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” I Corinthians 13:12 He is reminding us that God has the whole picture and we only see a reflection or shadow of it.
As I recount the journey we have been on, I realize that God has provided everything we have needed every step of the way. In fact, He has gone before us teaching us and assuring us of His great love, providing friendships 30 years before that even though ‘dormant’ would rise and nurture and comfort us. He took us through ‘trial runs’ as friends suffered great loss and shared what they were learning through their experiences. He prepared us spiritually and emotionally to be able to stand through this trial even though it took us right to the edge of being able to physically breathe.
He blessed us with much joy and great relationship with both of our sons. He provided especially sweet times in the weeks before and even the day before through a special phone call with even the detail of how to set the mirrors on his car so I could drive it safely in heavy traffic.
He blessed us with family and friends who took care of us, nurtured us, thought for us when we couldn’t think for ourselves, and prayed with us when we were too weak to go on. He dried our tears and continues to dry our tears as we look up and see that He is using even our tragedy to His honor and glory. More and more people are finding new and deeper relationship with God as they realize their own mortality and see what God has done for us and will do for them. No one is promised their next breath, and as we realize that, we look to God who removes fear of death and promises eternity with Him.
Friendships have blossomed and grown as we comfort each other. Family are not the only ones who feel the pain when someone leaves us. Friends hurt deeply as well – especially when the friendship was deep and valued. And as we navigate our pain and learn from our own suffering, we become more able to comfort others on their journeys of pain and suffering as well. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.” II Corinthians 1:3-5
And here we are, one year later… God has walked with me one day at a time. The fellowship is deep and comforting. I will never be the same. The trajectory of my life has changed. I now understand so much more what Jesus accomplished through His resurrection. Yes, He gave us the gift of forgiveness of sins and of eternal life through that. But He also gave us the gift of living free from the fear of death. “Since the children have flesh and blood, He too shared in their humanity so that by His death He might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil—and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.” Hebrews 2:14-15
While I live, I no longer fear death. But something else has changed. I understand so much more about heaven and going to live with Christ there. “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” John 14:1-3 Jesus was comforting His disciples before His death on the cross. I understand more now that the disciples were grieved over losing their friend and Christ was telling them, “This isn’t the end… we will see each other again.” This is not a final good-bye but rather a passage. Our son simply went before us and we will see him again soon, just as Christ went before the disciples and promised them they would see Him again soon.
I understand also why the disciples and Paul were able to live their lives with abandon. Paul put it quite clearly when he said, “For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21 Every day I walk on this earth, I enjoy fellowship with my Father and I am grateful for every breath He gives me. But if I die, it will only get better. It is not the end. It is the beginning of a new life with Christ for eternity. I look forward to that.
In the meantime, “Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Matthew 6:10 I understand that this is a fallen world and not God’s best for us. That is to come. But while I am here, God has things for me to do. He is at work even now on this earth and I am His servant – one day at a time walking hand in hand with God.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Hide and Seek
Though I believe Adam and Eve were very real people, they often masquerade as fictional characters in my mind. Maybe it is because their lives were so very different from my own. While their lives were very different, there are still ways I can relate to them as I read their account regarding eating the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Today I took a walk in the Garden with Eve…
For every action, there is a decision point. I wonder how often we open ourselves up to poor decisions by thoughts we entertain long before the decision is made. For Eve, the serpent raised the question, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” Genesis 3:1b Underlying this question is the question about obedience. Had Eve been firm in her resolve to be obedient to God, she would have turned her back on the serpent at this point and not even entertained his question. However, she chose to enter into conversation with him and allowed him to convince her to do what she knew to be wrong. I wonder how often I rationalize rather than obey. I wonder how often I commit the same sin Eve did in the Garden of Eden. How easy it is to blame Adam and Eve for the state the world is in – yet how often do we question rather than obey when God speaks to us.
“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.” Genesis 3:7 We use words like ‘street-wise’ and ‘loss of innocence’ to describe a knowledge that is gained through difficult life experiences and poor decisions. Adam and Eve lost their innocence that day. And what they felt was shame. I wonder how many times I have allowed myself to go places I should not have – watched a movie that was questionable, entered a discussion that was less than godly, thought of ways to ‘get back’ at someone – and have lost innocence as a result. And then when it is just me and God, I understand my shame as I stand next to his holiness. Like Adam and Eve, I try to sew fig leaves together – make excuses and rationalize – to cover my shame as God approaches me. But it doesn’t fool God.
“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’” Genesis 3:8-9 Adam and Eve were trying to hide from God because of their shame in being disobedient. I wonder how often I have moved away from God or tried to hide from Him when I know I am not behaving well or being disobedient to something He has called me to. The more we disobey, the further we move away from God, not wanting to hear Him. Yet, God did not give up. He pursued them. God is already seeking reconciliation with the human race in Genesis 3! God could have put an end to everything right there. But He didn’t. He pursued Adam and Eve even though they were hiding from Him.
When they see they cannot hide from God, Adam and Eve do the next best thing. They begin to rationalize their behavior and blame others. Adam points the finger at Eve and Eve points the finger at the serpent. (Genesis 3:11-13) All three of them have made their own decision to be disobedient, yet rather than own it, they accuse/blame each other. I wonder how often I have tried to take the focus off of myself and blame or accuse others for my disobedience. Thoughts like, “I couldn’t help myself. It was the school system I was in… If s/he hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have done that… It’s in my genes. I don’t have a choice…” Those are all efforts to absolve myself of responsibility for the choices I make – to blame others and circumstances for my behaviors.
We refer to ‘the curse’ when we talk about the consequences of disobedience. (Genesis 3:14-19) I wonder how often I blame Adam and Eve and ‘the curse’ when I don’t like my circumstances. Yet, if I am honest with myself, I too have been disobedient and tried to hide from God. And there are always consequences for disobedience. David said in the Psalms, “All have turned aside, they have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one.” Psalm 14:3
“The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.” Genesis 3:21 While it doesn’t say an animal was sacrificed, that would be the only way the “skin” would become available to make the garments. Another creature had to pay the price of the disobedience. And for generations, sheep, goats, bulls and doves were sacrificed for the sins of the people. I wonder, when I am disobedient, who or what pays?
Because of the loss of innocence, Adam and Eve were banished from the garden and the Tree of Life in order that they would not live forever in their disobedient state. (Genesis 3:22-24) This led to death, the ultimate penalty for disobedience. In an odd way, I am grateful for death because it ultimately puts an end to disobedience that separates us from God. However, God is a God of Reconciliation and restoration and, thankfully, death is not the end. As we read the New Testament, we see God’s plan unfold on another level as He sends Jesus, His Only Son, to be the ultimate sacrifice. Through his death and resurrection, he offers us the gift of reconciliation – a restoration of our relationship with God. In spite of my disobedience, Jesus is willing to stand in the gap and allow me to have a relationship with God, the Creator of the universe. “Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.” II Corinthians 2:21-22
When I accept this gift of grace and healing, I am restored to a right relationship with God and can look forward to being with him forever after my death on this earth. “But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep.” I Corinthians 15:20 “With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence.” II Corinthians 4:14
No more hide and seek for me. I just want to obediently walk with God where he has placed me now. And because of what Jesus did for me, I can look forward to walking with him forever. Death isn’t the final word. Jesus is!
For every action, there is a decision point. I wonder how often we open ourselves up to poor decisions by thoughts we entertain long before the decision is made. For Eve, the serpent raised the question, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” Genesis 3:1b Underlying this question is the question about obedience. Had Eve been firm in her resolve to be obedient to God, she would have turned her back on the serpent at this point and not even entertained his question. However, she chose to enter into conversation with him and allowed him to convince her to do what she knew to be wrong. I wonder how often I rationalize rather than obey. I wonder how often I commit the same sin Eve did in the Garden of Eden. How easy it is to blame Adam and Eve for the state the world is in – yet how often do we question rather than obey when God speaks to us.
“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.” Genesis 3:7 We use words like ‘street-wise’ and ‘loss of innocence’ to describe a knowledge that is gained through difficult life experiences and poor decisions. Adam and Eve lost their innocence that day. And what they felt was shame. I wonder how many times I have allowed myself to go places I should not have – watched a movie that was questionable, entered a discussion that was less than godly, thought of ways to ‘get back’ at someone – and have lost innocence as a result. And then when it is just me and God, I understand my shame as I stand next to his holiness. Like Adam and Eve, I try to sew fig leaves together – make excuses and rationalize – to cover my shame as God approaches me. But it doesn’t fool God.
“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’” Genesis 3:8-9 Adam and Eve were trying to hide from God because of their shame in being disobedient. I wonder how often I have moved away from God or tried to hide from Him when I know I am not behaving well or being disobedient to something He has called me to. The more we disobey, the further we move away from God, not wanting to hear Him. Yet, God did not give up. He pursued them. God is already seeking reconciliation with the human race in Genesis 3! God could have put an end to everything right there. But He didn’t. He pursued Adam and Eve even though they were hiding from Him.
When they see they cannot hide from God, Adam and Eve do the next best thing. They begin to rationalize their behavior and blame others. Adam points the finger at Eve and Eve points the finger at the serpent. (Genesis 3:11-13) All three of them have made their own decision to be disobedient, yet rather than own it, they accuse/blame each other. I wonder how often I have tried to take the focus off of myself and blame or accuse others for my disobedience. Thoughts like, “I couldn’t help myself. It was the school system I was in… If s/he hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have done that… It’s in my genes. I don’t have a choice…” Those are all efforts to absolve myself of responsibility for the choices I make – to blame others and circumstances for my behaviors.
We refer to ‘the curse’ when we talk about the consequences of disobedience. (Genesis 3:14-19) I wonder how often I blame Adam and Eve and ‘the curse’ when I don’t like my circumstances. Yet, if I am honest with myself, I too have been disobedient and tried to hide from God. And there are always consequences for disobedience. David said in the Psalms, “All have turned aside, they have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one.” Psalm 14:3
“The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.” Genesis 3:21 While it doesn’t say an animal was sacrificed, that would be the only way the “skin” would become available to make the garments. Another creature had to pay the price of the disobedience. And for generations, sheep, goats, bulls and doves were sacrificed for the sins of the people. I wonder, when I am disobedient, who or what pays?
Because of the loss of innocence, Adam and Eve were banished from the garden and the Tree of Life in order that they would not live forever in their disobedient state. (Genesis 3:22-24) This led to death, the ultimate penalty for disobedience. In an odd way, I am grateful for death because it ultimately puts an end to disobedience that separates us from God. However, God is a God of Reconciliation and restoration and, thankfully, death is not the end. As we read the New Testament, we see God’s plan unfold on another level as He sends Jesus, His Only Son, to be the ultimate sacrifice. Through his death and resurrection, he offers us the gift of reconciliation – a restoration of our relationship with God. In spite of my disobedience, Jesus is willing to stand in the gap and allow me to have a relationship with God, the Creator of the universe. “Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.” II Corinthians 2:21-22
When I accept this gift of grace and healing, I am restored to a right relationship with God and can look forward to being with him forever after my death on this earth. “But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep.” I Corinthians 15:20 “With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence.” II Corinthians 4:14
No more hide and seek for me. I just want to obediently walk with God where he has placed me now. And because of what Jesus did for me, I can look forward to walking with him forever. Death isn’t the final word. Jesus is!
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