In the world’s economy, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth is considered reasonable. There is even allowance for compensation beyond the harm done for ‘emotional damage’. Our natural tendency when someone hurts us is to say, “I’ll show you what it feels like – and more!”
As I consider what I have seen others experience and have experienced myself, I notice that ‘getting back at’ and ‘showing others’ never seems to be enough. When we take justice into our own hands, the problem is never really fixed. It simmers below the surface and watches for opportunities to boil from time to time. Sometimes it boils out of the pot into a full rage. Sometimes it just causes a few burns here and there. But it continues to bring pain and suffering. As the rage grows into bitterness, all of the person’s life is affected by the bitterness and joy cannot be found. Jealousy is often added to the rage if the person we are angry with seems to be doing well. Jealousy and bitterness usually move to the next level of hating the other and seeing them as the enemy. And enemies must be killed – gotten out of the way. Only killing the enemy will bring true justice from this perspective.
God knows all about that weakness in the human race. Throughout history, He has tried to steer us away from it. God spoke with Cain before he chose to kill Abel. He tried to help Cain see that what he was thinking was not going to get him where he needed to go. After Cain killed Abel, he lived in fear. His problem wasn’t fixed. (Genesis 4) Then God gave the Ten Commandments through His servant Moses. These included: don’t murder, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t give false testimony, don’t covet. (Exodus 20) God knew that all of these things would lead to rage, hatred, and killing. God provided a way for people to seek forgiveness and to forgive through sacrifices and through laws.
When Jesus came, He taught us that loving God and loving our neighbor as ourselves were the most important of all commands given to us because everything else takes its place when these two are in order (Matthew 22:37-40). He taught us that even thinking hateful thoughts about others was the same as murder because He knew that if we allowed ourselves to follow those thoughts, it would end in death.
In spite of all of those teachings, many of us (even in the church) continue to harbor unforgiveness and jealousy. It usually isn’t full blown and public, but it simmers under the surface causing unrest and brokenness, pain and difficult relationships. Sometimes, people who have been ‘murdered’ by hatred or have seen others ‘murdered’ leave the church and say that God must not be real because ‘His children’ behave just as badly as those who do not know Him – sometimes worse. Unresolved bitterness leads to an often toxic environment – a cancer that eats away at relationships and disables important ministry.
God loves us all too much to leave us in this desperate place of bitterness. He gives us a way out. He says, “If you forgive others of their sins, your sins will also be forgiven.” Matthew 6:14. He says, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he still refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” Matthew 18:15-17
It may be difficult, but the only way to full healing is for all parties involved to talk with each other and seek God’s wisdom through His Word and through the prayers and wisdom of other believers. Jesus’ prayer in John 17 shows us that unity with each other is the key to demonstrating to the world who God is and how much He loves each of us. When we work through difficult disagreements and come to a place of healing, we show the world God’s redemptive love at work and make it possible for them to believe there is a God and He loves and teaches His followers to love as well.
I have been pondering what it is about forgiveness that Jesus said from the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34. Why did He need to forgive when He had every right to be angry and even call down curses on them? Why did He choose to forgive those who were mocking Him and driving nails into his hands and feet? Why did He choose to forgive even His closest friends who betrayed Him and left Him when He needed friends most?
To forgive someone is to give up my right to be right, to be in control, and to have justice served in my favor. It is a merciful act toward the offender, but much more than that, it is a freeing act for the one who has been offended. It makes us free to love others no matter how they treat us and behave toward us. It frees us to fix our eyes on heaven and to worship our God. It frees us from the stress and strain of ‘remembering all the wrongs done to us’ and allows us to experience joy and peace. It brings healing to us physically, spiritually, and emotionally. It brings us a step closer to Christ as we identify with Him. We understand even more what He did for us on the cross and experience a greater portion of His mercy He extends to us. And He often shows us more of the big picture – that even our enemies are made in His image and He loves them too. His love extends to everyone. And His love in me must be extended to everyone as well.
Lord, teach me to love others so much that I am able to forgive - even if the offender is unwilling to talk about it or is unable to see the pain they have inflicted. Keep my heart and my mind close to You and teach me to live in peace, knowing that You have forgiven me much and I must also forgive others. Show me where I have offended others and make me quick to seek reconciliation and forgiveness, offering others the freedom and peace that comes from forgiving as well. Thank you for the example you have put before us through your journey to the cross and beyond. Open my eyes to see the depth of your love for me and for others. In the precious and holy name of Jesus, Amen.
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