Broken Promises

We’ve all done it somewhere along the line… made a promise that we failed to keep. Maybe it was a simple, “I’ll call you right back,” followed by getting busy with something and forgetting until the next day or two that we were supposed to call them back. Or maybe it was a bigger thing like broken wedding vows. Or often we tell people, “I’ll pray for you,” when we hear they are struggling with something and then get busy with our own lives and completely forget to pray for them.

“But Peter insisted emphatically, ‘Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.’ And all the others said the same.” Mark 14:31 Shortly after this emphatic statement, Peter disowned Christ, not one time, but three times, just as Christ had predicted he would.

We never know what we will do in a time of trial until we are in that time of trial. But Jesus had good advice for preparing. He took the disciples to Gethsemane and told them to sit there while he prayed. Then he took Peter, James and John a little further in and said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch.” Mark 14:34 Jesus went a little further and fell to the ground and prayed a deep prayer of submission to the Father. He had a promise to keep – a promise that was made over and over from the beginning of time. It was the most heart-wrenching thing anyone would ever have to do – take on the sin of the world and die on the cross. He asked God to take it away, but then submitted to God’s will, not his own.

I promised to love and follow Christ no matter what happened in my life. I had read the book of Job many times and each time, I resolutely promised that if God ever allowed such sorrow to come into my life, I would still follow him. I read and held on to verses like, “Though he slay me, yet I will hope in him…” Job 13:15 And, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.” Habakkuk 3:17-19

Even as I made these promises to God, I hoped that it would never be necessary to be tested on this. Many times I had played the scenario in my mind – how would I respond if the State Police came to the door to tell me that one of our sons or my spouse had died in a car accident or had been murdered? Would I faint? Would I scream or at least cry out loudly? Would I yell at God for letting such a thing happen?

As I studied Christ and his disciples, I learned something important: Pray – keep in touch with the Father through the good times as well as the hard times. In Gethsemane, Jesus told the disciples, “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Mark 14:38

Trust – God can be trusted. He keeps his promises. “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.” John 14:1

Be steadfast – “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” John 16:33

I had a promise to keep. January 24 was my Gethsemane. When we received the call that our 28-year-old son had died, we had to decide how we would respond. Yes, it is still a decision to make. Even as we held each other absorbing the shock, the first words out were, “He gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21 paraphrased. How glibly we sing that song when there is nothing being taken away! How hard it is to sing when the loss is great!

Faith that hasn’t been tested is no faith at all. It is merely an idea. Once it has been tested, it becomes real. I now understand the words ‘sorrowful’ and ‘anguish’. I am beginning to understand what Jesus meant when he said, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” John 14:34 It is the feeling that it would be better to have never been born than to have to go through this pain. “Yet, not as I will, but what you will.” John 14:36 It is a time of submission – not just resignation to something we cannot change, but purposeful submission to being willing to walk with God ‘even though he slay me.’ It is a time of understanding that God has the big picture and I need to trust him to carry out his perfect plan – even when I can’t understand the ‘troubles’ I’m having.

There is a peace that comes with that submission. Just as Christ submitted to the cross because of his great love for us, I can submit to God because of my great love for him, ‘even though he slay me.’ In my mind, it is the picture of a dog rolling on his back, belly up, to a human who has the power to harm him or rub his belly. It is the most submissive position they can have. A dog who has learned to trust the human puts his whole life on the line trusting that it will be a belly rub. Can I be that submissive to God? Can I trust that even in my most vulnerable moments he will respond in love?

Yes, my faith has been tried. And I have found a God who keeps his promises. How tenderly he has cared for us in the midst of our ‘trouble’. How often he has comforted us, held us as we wept, and encouraged us through his Word and his people. 

Lord, I choose to follow you, even though you slay me. I fully submit my life and everything I have to you and your purposes. I trust in your great love. Amen.