As we pass Thanksgiving and go into ‘overdrive’ heading for Christmas, I pause to try to gather my thoughts into something that makes sense. I’m a grieving mother and grief and holidays don’t mix well – or do they? For many people, the acute awareness of the person(s) missing in their lives comes to the fore, pushing out any joy that once permeated the season. They find themselves depressed and pulling away from people in a season where gatherings are numerous. Is that the prescribed way to approach the season? Do I have any choice but to follow?
I find myself watching ‘Black Friday’ shoppers from a distance and realize that I’m not interested in shopping. Is it because I am depressed? I don’t think so… I never was too much of a shopper… but more than that, I realize that all of my life I have struggled with the extreme gift-giving that goes on. Ads say, “for the person who has everything” and I find myself saying, “I don’t need anything.” It’s hard to shop for the person who has everything. How do you give a meaningful gift that won’t end up being returned or sold in its original packaging in the spring yard sale for a fraction of the price paid?
Since our son is in heaven, heaven doesn’t feel so far away. When heaven touches me, I lose interest in all the things that our commercial world tries to convince us we need. God is looking down and seeing suffering – people with no food and no place to stay warm and no gloves to keep their hands warm and it reminds Him of His Son’s entrance into the world – no room in the inn – born in a stable and placed in a manger for a bed. Will I spend $40 to try to impress someone with my generosity or will I step into a world where there are people suffering and use the $40 to give ten people warm hats to wear?
It is time to put up the Christmas decorations. Will I join the festivities of decorating? It’s time to bake Christmas cookies. Will I enjoy baking? Or will I be too depressed to enjoy these activities? We have invited our surviving son to join us in decorating. We choose to make it a celebrative family time together. We will share fun memories and enjoy pulling out favorite decorations. We will include our son who lives in heaven by putting some of his favorite decorations up as well. And we’ll make some of his favorite foods to share with others.
As we have gone through all the ‘firsts’ this year, we have been proactive in thinking about them. We have planned ways to make them meaningful. And Christmas will be a special time too. Yes, there will likely be tears… we are, after all, grieving a significant loss in our lives. But among those tears will be joy and celebration. We are celebrating God’s greatest gift to all of us – His only Son who came to us as a baby, vulnerable and helpless and dependent upon others to care for Him. Our circumstances do not begin to dim that bright light in this world. We will look for the star and we will come to worship Him.
I think we will choose to put aside the idea of a ‘blue Christmas’ and celebrate Jesus and those He brings into our lives this season. We will choose joy.
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