When a Brother Hates a Brother

We live in a time and place where we learn to stay out of each other’s business. We turn a blind eye when we see hurtful things happening around us. We quickly learn that to get involved means we become a lightning rod for the anger or hateful behavior. Meanwhile, people suffer. Children are neglected or abused, women are used and abused, and young boys are sold for a can of beer.

In II Samuel 13, we are told the story of King David’s sons Amnon and Absalom and his daughter Tamar who was the sister of Absalom. Amnon thought he was in love with Tamar and, with a cousin, devised a plan to get her into his room where he raped her. His “love” (which was apparently only lust) turned to hate and he despised her and threw her out and locked the door. When her brother Absalom heard about it, his hate for his brother simmered under the surface. He took his sister in because she was now no longer a virgin and would not be desirable for marriage. King David was angry, but did nothing – maybe because this follows after his adulterous encounter with Bathsheba. What can a father say to a son after he has just committed the horrible sins of rape and murder himself? Judgment had been pronounced on David. “This is what the Lord says: Because of what you have done, I will cause your own household to rebel against you.” II Samuel 13:11a  

This is one place where David failed as a role model for his sons. Now Absalom had killed Amnon and the king mourned for Amnon (even though he was angry with him for raping Tamar) and Absalom fled. The family is very broken and still there is no accountability, no conversations, no seeking forgiveness or granting forgiveness.

When a brother hates a brother, the hate turns to murder. Bitterness grows and people are hurt on every side.

Jesus taught another way. First he taught that even if we think murderous thoughts, we are a murderer. “Anyone who hates another brother or sister is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don’t have eternal life within them.” I John 3:15

Second, he taught that love overcomes evil. “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!” Matthew 5:43-44

I wonder if we are willing to get involved in the lives of others and get to know both the people who are being hurt and the people who are doing the hurting, if we began to speak God’s truth and love into their lives, could this bring people to repentance and bring forgiveness and healing rather than bitterness and hate. Would we be able to bring about positive change to the lives of both those being abused and those doing the abusing?

Lord, in a hard and abusive world around me, please keep my heart soft and full of your love that I can be a beacon of light to those in distress and allow your light in me to shine in the dark places where bitterness, hate and anger dwell. Teach me to love others more, to pray for them and open myself to be a friend to them. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.

Forgiven and Free to Love

We all desire to be loved and accepted by others. It is a basic need to belong and know others care about us. People without that can feel pretty lost in this world. I wonder if it is this desire that causes us to strive to put our best foot forward – to only show others the parts of us that are good, clean and acceptable. Our churches are full of people putting on their Sunday best, pasting smiles on their faces and assuring everyone that they are fine and doing great. Yet in all of us lurks dark corners – places in our lives that are still a work in progress, places of pain and need, places of guilt over sin we can’t seem to shake.

As I ponder the story in Luke 7:36-50, I see the religious Simon the Pharisee holding fast to the laws and expecting Jesus to appreciate the fact that He was invited to a meal. Simon may have been trying to impress Jesus with just how good he was. And then there is the sinful woman who sheds many tears just being in the presence of Jesus. She understands her grievous sins and seeks healing. As she weeps at His feet, she notices His feet have not been washed and she uses her tears to wash them and dries them with her hair. She then proceeds with the added touch of perfume and kisses to his feet. Jesus responds with mercy and grace, accepting her expression of love and using it all as a teachable moment.

While Simon is busy judging Jesus for not being able to tell a sinful woman when he sees one, he totally misses the mercy and grace Jesus extends to all who seek Him. Those of us who have grown up in Christian families going to church every Sunday may quickly find ourselves a little closer than we want to admit to being a “Simon” in this story. We haven’t done outrageous sinful things that tag us as “sinners” to the public eye. We try to maintain a good public persona and find it beneficial to keep a low profile on the areas of our lives that still need redemption. But here’s the catch on that… if we don’t expose the areas of our lives that need redemption and ask Jesus for His mercy and grace, we don’t experience the great love that He lavishes on us through mercy and grace. And if we don’t experience our need for that mercy and grace, we cannot love God or others the way God intends for us to do. Jesus says, “But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” Luke 7:47b

Herein lies a key to becoming a loving church that draws others to Jesus… we need to be quick to confess and seek forgiveness for the sins in our lives in order that we can be free from a judging spirit and free to love and accept others in spite of their sins so that they too can come and experience the mercy and grace and healing of Jesus. Admitting that we have sinned and confessing that sin helps us realize our need for Christ and His mercy. It keeps us humble and approachable. And the freedom that comes from being forgiven brings an energy that is inviting to others. Many would call that love. Whoever has been forgiven much loves much.

Father, I too have sinned and need your grace and mercy. Open my eyes and show me where I am hiding things to protect my image. Help me to expose them and seek Your forgiveness. Teach me to love as You love – a love full of mercy and grace so that others will come to know You as their loving God. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen