The Big Decision

“One of those days Jesus went out to the mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles: Simon (whom he named Peter), his brother Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James son of Alphaeus, Simon who was called the Zealot, Judas son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.” Luke 6:12-16

I don’t think I have ever spent a whole night praying (accept maybe like Peter, James, and John falling asleep and being awakened and falling asleep again due to stress or caffeine). Jesus had some very important decisions to make. He was going to choose 12 from among his followers, to be apostles. These men would be in training for the next three years and then be responsible to be missionaries to the world. They would be laying the groundwork for the Christian Church. Jesus could have just chosen 10-12 guys that he liked or the first twelve to get there the next morning. But he didn’t. He spent a whole night praying – talking with this Father – before making the choices.

How many times have I said to myself and others, “God gave you a brain. Use it!” Yet, here, Jesus is showing me that there is an even better way when we have tough decisions to make in life. We can pray. We can learn to talk to God and listen to God. That requires more than memorizing a couple of little poems like, “Now I lay me down to sleep…” and “God bless this food…” All night prayer is built on relationship with God, our Father. It is conversation, asking questions, listening, pondering until we are confident God has indeed shown us what it is we are to do – or not do.

Having said all that and knowing the end of the story, why on earth did Jesus choose Judas Iscariot? Did he know right from the beginning he was the ‘bad egg’ that would betray him? Did he misread what God was telling him? Did he think that he could ‘fix’ Judas along the way? Did he later second guess himself and wish he could get rid of Judas and put someone else in his place?

These are questions that likely won’t be answered this side of heaven – and once we get there, we probably won’t care too much. However, as I ponder them, they teach me some things about myself and about God. It is easy to walk away from prayer feeling confident and then at the first bump in the road doubt whether I heard God correctly on a matter. But experience continues to teach me that God can be trusted and if I was confident he was leading a particular direction, a bump in the road does not mean I should turn back. What it does mean is that I should continue my conversation with God and make sure I heard him right the first time.

Jesus took on Judas maybe knowing that he was the one who would betray him – maybe not. Is it possible that Judas helped by asking questions that needed to be asked so the other disciples would better understand what Jesus was teaching? Is it possible that Jesus wanted us to know that he understands betrayal by a close friend and that even betrayal needs to be forgiven in order to free us from the bondage of bitterness or fear of close relationships that we can so easily take on when we are hurt by others? Did Jesus take on a ‘missionary project’ to teach the other disciples how to relate to and minister to people who push on the ‘edges’ of our beliefs? Sometimes it is good to bring along people who may not be strong contributors in a project with the hope that they will learn and have opportunity to grow. Sometimes they will disappoint us. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.

We find later that Judas was ‘dipping his hand into the money bag’ (John 12:4-6) I wonder if Jesus wanted to start over sometimes and get rid of Judas and pick someone else. But then, it seems Peter had moments that would have made Jesus want to start over too. He also betrayed Jesus by denying he even knew him – three times! Sometimes I get discouraged when I have to deal with someone who just isn’t getting it and wish I could start over. But Jesus didn’t give up on Judas or Peter. Peter made it and became the ‘rock’ upon which the Church was built. He had an amazing ministry in the years following Jesus’ death and resurrection. Judas didn’t make it. But God was still able to use the decisions Judas made to bring about his will – that Jesus would become the sacrifice for our sins.

God is a God of redemption. He can take the worst of circumstances and redeem them for his use. Isaiah 61, which Jesus quoted as he began his ministry, says, “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61:1-3 Jesus showed us how God can take the ‘ashes’ of our lives and turn them into something beautiful.

Somehow, I need to find ways to come away from all the demands of my time and pray – all night if I need to – so that I can make the best decisions and have the confidence to then go on knowing that God is leading, has a purpose, and can redeem anything along the way. Big decisions or small, and anything in between, God is Sovereign and he is Faithful. I can count on him to provide the wisdom I need.