Awesome in Glory

“Who among the gods is like you, O Lord? Who is like you – majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders? … In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling… You will bring them in and plant them on the mountain of your inheritance, the place, O Lord, you made for your dwelling, the sanctuary, O Lord, your hands established. The Lord will reign for ever and ever.” Exodus 15:11, 13, 17-18

Some friends are concerned that I am not grieving enough. They believe I should be angry with God because our 28-year-old son died. Of course my heart aches at not seeing his smile, hearing his gregarious laughter, or receiving and giving those bear hugs anymore in this life. There are times when my heart is overwhelmed by grief. But it is my sorrow for myself – my missing him. He has been an important part of my life on this earth. There are many habits tied up in those memories… wanting to buy a favorite food at the grocery store, wanting to make a special meal that he really likes, longing to discuss an idea from a book I just read, enjoying a photograph he took… And there are memories we were looking forward to making with him and his lovely bride to be, vacations together, possibly grandchildren down the road...

But I cannot be angry with God. It was Eve that took the fruit from the tree that led to sin and death entering this world. And if it hadn’t been her, it would have been the next person. We all have this idea we want to be our own god and make our own choices. When we think we know better than God how something should be and choose our way, we are committing the same sin Eve did in taking the fruit. We are being disobedient to the God of all creation. But God, loving us so much and knowing we would make that choice, made a way for us to be back in right relationship with him making him Lord of our lives. He has prepared a glorious place for us when we are done in this world and we know our son is in that glorious place. It won’t be long until we will be together again in the presence of Jesus, singing praises to the Lord of all.

We grieve but not as the world grieves. “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of the men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him… Therefore, encourage each other with these words.” I Thessalonians 4:13-14, 18

The source of my joy is my Salvation in Jesus Christ. It is knowing that he is with me every day and that I will spend eternity with my Lord and Savior. And now I look forward even more to that day because Andrew is waiting for us there. It seems the veil between life and death has gotten thinner for me. Death has lost its sting because it is merely a passage from this world to the next – not an end. Jesus taught us that and showed us that in his death and resurrection. That reality is stronger than ever for me.

God did not change because my circumstances have changed.“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 If God was awesome January 23, 2011, before our son died, he was just as awesome January 24 and January 25 and February 16, 2011, after our son died. The same God that loved me before Andrew’s death still loves me and carries me tenderly through this difficult circumstance in my life. In fact, his love has become even more obvious to me as he gently leads me through this valley. I truly believe that God will not take us where he has not gone before us and prepared the way.

Most mothers share two worst fears: losing their spouse and losing a child. I was no exception. Significant separation anxiety was a normal part of my life. God patiently taught and nurtured me year by year and especially for the last 10-15 years has consistently placed people and circumstances in my life to help me deal with my mortality and the mortality of my family and increase my faith and trust in him. In fact a few weeks before our son’s death, I felt God say to me, “I think you are ready. Your trust of me has grown to the point that you could deal with significant loss and still trust my love for you.” I responded with, “Maybe, but I don’t want to try it out.” I always wanted the growth in faith that I saw in people who went through hard times, but didn’t want to go through the hard times to get there.

God in his going before us provided us with many delightful experiences to lessen the blow of losing our son. He tenderly prepared us and has continued to walk with us every step of the way.

Though Andrew lived in another state (12 hours of driving away), using a short Thanksgiving break (Thursday through Sunday), our son made sure he spent time with family and friends as he and his fiancé made a quick about 1,800-mile tour to spend time with her family, his grandparents and great aunt, his parents, friends in two different states, and got back home safely, exhausted but happy. This has become part of our son’s finishing his life on this earth well. He valued family and friends and was, in a way, able to say good-bye. God blessed us with a special sweet memory to hold on to.

A change in plans added two days on to our time spent with Andrew in his apartment from December 24-January 3. We always enjoyed time with him, but these days were especially sweet, filled with good family time, laughter, friends, Christmas joy, and special gifts with meaning. We returned home filled with joy and contentment because of that special time together. Again, this was part of Andrew’s finishing life on this earth well. He valued family and enjoyed spending time together – another sweet memory to hold on to - a special gift of extended time together.

The day prior to his death, Andrew called home and we talked over an hour on the telephone. Conversations with him were always a delight. He and I enjoyed ‘rabbit trailing’ and wandered through many topics, just enjoying each other and loving the sound of each other’s voices. One of the topics was his new Honda Insight. He was telling me how it had a long blind spot, but he figured out how to set the mirrors to eliminate the blind spot all together. He went into great detail about it. How did he know that in just a couple of days I would need to drive his car in heavy Atlanta traffic and would need to know how to set the mirrors to help me? We lingered in our conversation, not wanting to say good-bye. Did our spirits within us know that this would be our last conversation on this earth? Another sweet memory to hold on to – this one with a special detail only God would have known I’d need.

While we were still trying to breathe and wrap our brains around what was happening, family members stepped in and began to carry the ‘detail’ load that we could not think clearly enough to handle. They ordered plane tickets for us and told us when and where to get on the plane. They made lists of things we needed to do and people we needed to speak to including phone numbers to help us stay on track. They chauffeured us through heavy city traffic to appointments with a lawyer, funeral home, medical examiner office, etc. They made sure we were fed, had a place to sleep, and shared memories and cried with us. God provided family to care for us.

Our son’s fiancé and her family were able to be with us the entire week and we cried together, supported each other with many hugs and assurances, and planned how to care for the body and how to honor his wishes with a memorial service of praise and worship and God’s message of hope and salvation shared with all who would come. While we were beginning to develop relationship with the family, that week bonded us for life. God gave us each other to walk through this valley together. We are not alone.

Friends in the state where we chose to bury our son took over the details of the memorial service, making phone calls, designing and printing programs, getting others involved with preparing and serving a meal following the service, parking details, etc. They walked us through the planning as we chose who would speak, sing, lead songs, etc. How precious these friends were as they housed and fed us and walked with us through one of the hardest days of our lives. God provided friends to care for us.

Andrew had written a paper for a college class entitled, “Plans for My Funeral.” One of the things stressed in that paper was that he wanted those who knew his God and Savior to celebrate with him that he was enjoying eternity in heaven. He also wanted to make sure that people heard the Gospel and for any who were not saved, he was asking them to give their hearts and lives to Jesus so they could join him in his eternal home. God led so that about 800 people through 4 separate memorial services heard this message. A video made for extended family who could not be at the service will continue to share this message. God in his infinite wisdom had a plan to honor our son’s request – more than we could imagine!

Andrew had a tender heart for those the world tends to see as problems or of no value. He took up their cause and tried to give them a ‘leg up’ whenever he could. His job was helping jobless people get back into the job market by training and giving them experience. He spent volunteer hours helping homeless people through organizations that feed and care for the homeless. In memory of his tender heart toward those in need, we asked that people send money to one of several shelters rather than flowers. Money continues to come in that we are aware of and there may be more that we are not aware of yet. God is helping those our son would have helped should he still be living.

Yes, God has tenderly held our hearts and souls close to him as he walks with us through this valley of the shadow of death. He has assured us our son is in a better place where we will soon join him. Life is but a breath. Eternity is forever. We believe Andrew is dancing with the angels, playing his drums and singing praises to the one he served while here on this earth. He is in the most joyful place of all. His life and his death have served his Lord and King well.

Yes, our God is an amazing God – worthy of our praise even as we grieve! Lord, keep my eyes open to see your mighty outstretched arm reaching down and tenderly touching our lives with your deep love.

Well done, Andrew. Enjoy your eternal rest with Jesus. We’ll see you soon.