A Dark Day

“Jesus commanded Peter, ‘Put your sword away! Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?’” John 18:11 Jesus knows the time has come and he is ready to go willingly. But what happened to Peter? I thought he ‘got it’ that Jesus was the Christ. Why did he pull his sword? And how, after cutting off the ear of the servant to the high priest, did Peter walk away?

Luke tells us, “… but Jesus answered, ‘No more of this!’ And he touched the man’s ear and healed him.” Luke 22:51 That is quite likely why Peter wasn’t taken as well. But isn’t it amazing that they did not arrest the disciples along with Jesus? They were all right there! If they thought there was an insurrection starting with Jesus and these were his closest followers, why didn’t they arrest them all? “Then everyone deserted him and fled.” Mark 14:50 It appears that out of fear, after one small attempt to fight, which Jesus quickly put an end to, the disciples fled. I suppose it wouldn’t have been that hard to do in the olive grove. They could have backed into the trees while the focus was on Jesus and the servant he healed.

There is a relationship mentioned in John that is never completely defined, but had to be significant in the way these events played out. The high priest that year was Caiaphas. “Simon Peter and another disciple were following Jesus. Because this disciple was known to the high priest, he went with Jesus into the high priest’s courtyard, but Peter had to wait outside at the door.” John 18:15-16 John does not name himself in his Gospel – possibly because he really wanted his story to be about Jesus, not himself. So while we are not sure that “the other disciple” was him, there is a good chance it was. Later on, we will see John standing at the cross. Somehow, John could move about – even into the high priest’s courtyard – and not be arrested with Jesus. I wonder if he might not have even been related to Caiaphas – maybe the wife of Caiaphas was an aunt or cousin to John’s mother? Who knows? But somehow, John was not a target and was able to stay close to Jesus – even getting into the courtyard. And in this case, he brought Peter along.

But though Peter came, he was afraid for his life, and that fear drove him to his darkest hour. “’You are not one of this man’s disciples, are you?’ the girl at the door asked Peter. He replied, ‘I am not.’ It was cold, and the servants and officials stood around the fire they had made to keep warm. Peter also was standing with them, warming himself.” John 18:17-18 Peter had gotten cold and came out of the shadows up to the fire to warm himself – quite a risk at that time considering officials were also standing at the fire. Peter, in his fear of losing his own life, did exactly what Jesus had predicted earlier – denied he even knew Christ. I wonder what Peter was thinking or feeling as these words rolled off of his tongue. Should I be getting out of here while I can? This is too close for comfort! I don’t have a choice but to lie. If I tell the truth, I’ll be arrested too. I have a family to take care of.

I wonder how many times in my life just to save face in a crowd (not even fearing for my death) I have ‘denied’ I knew Christ by not being willing to speak out against something or even by not acting like a follower of Christ. I wonder how many times I have stood shoulder to shoulder with ‘officials’ and tried to hide my identity as a follower of Christ, not wanting to stand out in the crowd or draw attention to myself. I’m sure I had ‘good reasons’ for hiding my identity in Christ. But even my best reasons sound pretty hollow when they are put next to Christ’s love and what he has done for me and continues to do for me.

Oh Holy Father, please forgive me for hiding you from others out of my fear of being noticed. Please fill me with your Holy Spirit so others will see you living in me – not that they would be drawn to notice me, but that they would notice you and all your love and goodness. Fill me to overflowing so that you would spill out on others nearby, officials and servants alike. Help me to understand your love so completely that there is no room for fear, only a desire for others to experience your love as well. May it be so.