Jesus had been taken to the house of the high priest. While we don’t know what happened to all of the disciples as they apparently scattered when Jesus was arrested, we are told that Peter followed at a distance. John adds that another disciple was with Peter following which was likely John, himself. This other disciple was allowed to go further because he was known to the high priest. But Peter was waiting outside. He was likely hanging out in the shadows around the edges of the courtyard. But it was cold and when a fire was made in the middle of the courtyard, Peter’s need for warmth overcame his fear at the moment.
“But when they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter sat down with them. A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, “This man was with him.” Luke 22:55-56 It was a moment of reckoning for Peter. Would he admit that or deny that? Obviously, he wanted to save his own skin. What would happen if he admitted he had been with Jesus? Would he get pushed next to Jesus and accused as well? He wouldn’t be able to help from there.
The risk was so high. And Peter decided to take the safe way out and deny that he knew Jesus. “Woman, I don’t know him.” Luke 22:57
“A little later someone else saw him and said, ‘You also are one of them.’” Luke 22:58a Peter has a second chance to make that decision. Will I admit the truth or deny it? Again he chose the safe way out. “Man, I am not!” Luke 22:58b
“About an hour later another asserted, ‘Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean.’” Luke 22:59 Why on earth had Peter not left by this point? What kept him there? I wonder if he was still holding on to the idea that he could in some way set Jesus free – he just had to watch for the opportunity. He still had his trusty little sword and he was a tough guy and knew how to use it. Or at the very least, he wanted to be nearby when Jesus miraculously walked away one more time. Peter apparently could not stand to be separated from his teacher, his rabbi.
And one more time, “Peter replied, ‘Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!’ Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: ‘Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.’ And he went outside and wept bitterly.” Luke 22:60-62
Were they tears of shame? Or were they from defeat, disappointment, or exhaustion? Likely it was all of the above. When I think of all that happened in that 24 hours, there had to be both physical and emotional exhaustion. At his weakest moment, Peter had to make life and death decisions. At this moment, Peter – maybe for the first time in his life – realized that he was not superman and he couldn’t save his friend and teacher from disaster. He was defeated. And when Jesus caught his eye, I believe Peter felt extreme shame that he could not be the man he thought he was when Jesus needed him most. He could not be the man he thought Jesus thought he was. This day had not gone at all like Peter had anticipated. In fact, it couldn’t have gone more wrong.
Out of these ashes of these tears, something happened to Peter. It took a few months, and a few more interactions with Jesus between the time he rose from the dead and he ascended into heaven. But Peter was given another chance. The Apostles were carrying on as Jesus had instructed them to do. In Acts 4, we see Peter and John brought in before the Sanhedrin. They are being questioned because they are teaching that Jesus rose from the dead and many people were becoming believers. “Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them: ‘Rulers and elders of the people! If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a cripple and are asked how he was healed, then know this, you and all the people of Israel: it is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. He is ‘The stone you builders rejected, which has become the capstone.’ Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.’ Acts 4:8-12
Because Peter was finally emptied of himself, he was able to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Now he spoke boldly in public – no longer in the shadows denying that he knew Jesus. In fact, “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” Acts 4:13
There was no denying it now. Everyone could tell – Peter had been with Jesus.
I wonder each day as I interact with others, can they tell I have been with Jesus? Have I been emptied of myself, my ideas, my self-importance so that I can be filled with the Holy Spirit and boldly proclaim the gospel of salvation through every action and every word? Is it written all over me in bold letters, “This person has been with Jesus, of that there is no doubt!”?
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