We Interrupt this Happiness...

As we grieve, we are so grateful for the many friends and family who have come around us and loved us and prayed for us and with us. Scripture encourages us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15 On this journey we are traveling, we are so blessed to have so many who are willing to mourn with us.

Over and over, I have read, been told, and experienced that everyone grieves in their own way. It is a personal thing. For me it is intensely personal while my husband is more free to invite others to grieve with him. When I am with others, I more often want to experience life as ‘normal’. I don’t want to be different than anyone else in the room. I experience my grief in my quiet times with the Lord and when it arises throughout the day, I talk with God about it and allow Him to be my Healer.

At the same time, I am very free to talk about our son, to remember things he did or said and the impact he has had and continues to have on our lives. He is not ‘gone’ from our lives, though he now lives in heaven. Everyone who ever interacted with him carries those memories and whatever impact, great or small, he had on them. It is not hurtful to talk about him, but rather often healing. It is not a taboo subject that will take me deeper into grief, but rather helps me find my way through grief.

Another aspect of grieving in our own way is that our timing is all different. Some grieve deep and quickly and ‘move on’ sooner. Others grieve more slowly and are not ready to ‘move on’ quite as early. But mostly, we experience that day by day and minute by minute, the grief comes and goes. While initially we were not sure we would ever feel joy and happiness again, God was quick to point out that He is our source of joy and He is still here! And yes, we experience joy often.

We are blessed as we approach Christmas that people are very concerned for us noting that it will be a particularly hard time for us. Again, we appreciate the concern and the prayers. Be assured that the same God who has walked with us every step of the way will be with us every day and every minute of December as well.

I believe that our expectations have a lot to do with how we experience things. My expectations for Christmas are that while there will likely be moments of pain and sorrow, there will also be joy as we experience Christmas differently this year. I choose to focus on the people around me who I love and enjoy being with. I choose to celebrate the awesome love of God who chose to come down and walk in our shoes, experiencing life from the human side and then being without sin still chose to die for us in order for us to live with Him. I choose to love others by giving to those who can give nothing in return, by helping to provide a Christmas meal for the homeless. I choose joy.

Yet, as some friends approach me this month, even as I am experiencing the joy that the Lord gives me, I find, “We interrupt this moment of happiness…” to find out how you are “really” doing. They don’t seem to believe the happiness on my face and seek to dig deep and help me express my “real” feelings of sorrow. Might I just point us back to the teachings of Paul: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15 If I am mourning, by all means please comfort me with a hug and understanding words like, “This must be really hard for you.” But when I am rejoicing, please help me continue to rejoice – to enjoy the moment of happiness I am experiencing. When I am rejoicing, it is not the time to be my ‘counselor’ and help me work through my grief. Rejoice with me that God is good all the time and that I am experiencing laughter in my life once again. When I respond to, “How are you doing?” with “We are doing really well,” please don’t question my integrity in my answer. That doesn’t mean that I don’t miss my son. It doesn’t mean that there is no big hole in my heart that will never fully heal this side of heaven. It means that we are navigating our journey with Jesus, our true Comforter, and are finding peace and joy as He provides for us. Trust me to know when I need a friend to talk to and know that if you are that friend I need, I will find you. When I choose joy, rejoice with me! Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4 Our tendency in this verse is to focus on the mourning. I want to focus on the being comforted. As we are comforted, we can once again experience joy in our lives. We have the eternal comfort of knowing our son lives in heaven. And while we will always miss him, we have today to live for Jesus, to be His love, His hands, and His feet to go to those who need Him. In that we will experience great joy.

Blue Christmas – Bah Humbug!

As we pass Thanksgiving and go into ‘overdrive’ heading for Christmas, I pause to try to gather my thoughts into something that makes sense. I’m a grieving mother and grief and holidays don’t mix well – or do they? For many people, the acute awareness of the person(s) missing in their lives comes to the fore, pushing out any joy that once permeated the season. They find themselves depressed and pulling away from people in a season where gatherings are numerous. Is that the prescribed way to approach the season? Do I have any choice but to follow?

I find myself watching ‘Black Friday’ shoppers from a distance and realize that I’m not interested in shopping. Is it because I am depressed? I don’t think so… I never was too much of a shopper… but more than that, I realize that all of my life I have struggled with the extreme gift-giving that goes on. Ads say, “for the person who has everything” and I find myself saying, “I don’t need anything.” It’s hard to shop for the person who has everything. How do you give a meaningful gift that won’t end up being returned or sold in its original packaging in the spring yard sale for a fraction of the price paid?

Since our son is in heaven, heaven doesn’t feel so far away. When heaven touches me, I lose interest in all the things that our commercial world tries to convince us we need. God is looking down and seeing suffering – people with no food and no place to stay warm and no gloves to keep their hands warm and it reminds Him of His Son’s entrance into the world – no room in the inn – born in a stable and placed in a manger for a bed. Will I spend $40 to try to impress someone with my generosity or will I step into a world where there are people suffering and use the $40 to give ten people warm hats to wear?

It is time to put up the Christmas decorations. Will I join the festivities of decorating? It’s time to bake Christmas cookies. Will I enjoy baking? Or will I be too depressed to enjoy these activities? We have invited our surviving son to join us in decorating. We choose to make it a celebrative family time together. We will share fun memories and enjoy pulling out favorite decorations. We will include our son who lives in heaven by putting some of his favorite decorations up as well. And we’ll make some of his favorite foods to share with others.

As we have gone through all the ‘firsts’ this year, we have been proactive in thinking about them. We have planned ways to make them meaningful. And Christmas will be a special time too. Yes, there will likely be tears… we are, after all, grieving a significant loss in our lives. But among those tears will be joy and celebration. We are celebrating God’s greatest gift to all of us – His only Son who came to us as a baby, vulnerable and helpless and dependent upon others to care for Him. Our circumstances do not begin to dim that bright light in this world. We will look for the star and we will come to worship Him.

I think we will choose to put aside the idea of a ‘blue Christmas’ and celebrate Jesus and those He brings into our lives this season. We will choose joy.

Give Thanks to the Lord, for His Love Endures Forever

Jehoshaphat was one of the ‘good’ kings of Judah. It wasn’t that he didn’t make any mistakes… he did. But he sought after the Lord and he sent out his leadership, priests and Levites into the towns to teach the people from the Book of the Law. Through this, the people’s hearts were turned back to God and the kingdom prospered under Jehoshaphat’s leadership.

Then trouble came. “Some men came and told Jehoshaphat, ‘A vast army is coming against you from Edom, from the other side of the Sea…’ Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the Lord, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah. The people of Judah came together to seek help from the Lord; indeed, they came from every town in Judah to seek him.” II Chronicles 20:2-4

Jehoshaphat stood up and prayed to God. In his prayer, he proclaims God’s power and might saying, “no one can withstand you.” II Chronicles 20:6 He reminds God how he lead his people into this land and that they “have built in it a sanctuary for your Name, saying, ‘If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us.’” II Chronicles 20:9 Jehoshaphat then tells the Lord about the vast army on their doorstep and asks, “O our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.” II Chronicles 20:12

I wonder how many times I look at things in my life as Jehoshaphat looked at that vast army. I feel helpless, unable to fight, knowing there is no way I can win. Jehoshaphat shows us how to be prepared for those times in our life.

1. Prepare by studying God’s Word. Know my history with God. Recount how he has led in the past.

2. Focus on my alignment with God through the covenant he has made with me when I chose to follow him. Remember his promises and believe them.

3. Call on God for help. Humble myself before the Lord and acknowledge my weakness and my need for his help.

Everyone was there standing before the Lord. And then the Lord spoke to them through a Levite named Jahaziel. “This is what the Lord says: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.’… You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you… Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.” II Chronicles 20:15-17

At that point, Jehoshaphat led the people in a praise and worship service. He “appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying: ‘Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever.’” II Chronicles 20:21

Jehoshaphat did not wait until the battle was won to thank the Lord. He began immediately. The army was led out with singing praises. And when they got to the place God had told them to go, what they found were dead bodies. The battle had already been won!

I wonder if sometimes I lock myself into my timeline of events and circumstances and miss the heavenly perspective of the battle being already won. In my journey of deep pain this year, I have discovered that when the vast army of the pit of depression rises against me, I need to focus on the Lord and worship him. When my eyes are on him, I gain more of an eternal perspective on things. The battle is won. I just need to claim the victory! I look at what I have to be thankful for, and my heart sings, “Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever.” II Chronicles 20:21

I Am Blessed

We live in a nation where the ‘good things in life’ are plentiful. Most of us always have more than enough to eat, we have nice new clothes, we have nice houses to live in, we shop freely for ourselves and buy nice gifts for others, and we go on nice vacations traveling the world. We consider ourselves blessed by God – until something disrupts our wonderful lives. We have this notion that if we read our Bibles, pray, go to church on Sundays, and treat others well, these ‘good things in life’ that we call blessings will continue.

So when difficult things come into our lives – sickness, loss of job, death of a loved one – we become confused. I wonder if it is time to back up and redefine what it means to be blessed by God. Or maybe we need to back up even further and look at our ‘cause and effect’ notion that if we behave in a certain way, God will behave in a certain way.

Ezekiel had been walking with God – making himself available to God to be used as a prophet. Yet, in chapter 24, we find Ezekiel going through a very difficult circumstance – the death of his wife. And God is using that death to teach the Jewish nation how shallow their faith is. God lets Ezekiel know that he is “about to take away from you the delight of your eyes.” Ezekiel 24:16 And he tells Ezekiel, “Groan quietly, do not mourn for the dead.” Ezekiel 24:17 And I wonder, why would God take away the one who brings delight and joy to Ezekiel? Ezekiel is his servant who is consistently doing what God asks of him.

God spoke through Ezekiel, “Say to the house of Israel, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I am about to desecrate my sanctuary – the stronghold in which you take pride, the delight of your eyes, the object of your affection. The sons and daughters you left behind will fall by the sword. And you will do as I have done. You will not cover the lower part of your face or eat the customary food of mourners. You will keep your turbans on your heads and your sandals on your feet. You will not mourn or weep but will waste away because of your sins and groan among yourselves. Ezekiel will be a sign to you; you will do just as he has done. When this happens, you will know that I am the Sovereign Lord.’” Ezekiel 24:21-24

I wonder if God is pointing to Ezekiel and saying to the people, “If something like this can happen to someone who walks closely with me, do you think you will be exempt? You are trusting in rituals and things rather than in me! Sit up and take note. Get your focus off of ‘the good life’ and put your eyes on me.” “So you will be a sign to them, and they will know that I am the Lord.” Ezekiel 24:27

Over and over in Ezekiel, I see the phrase, “They will know that I am the Lord.” God wants a relationship with us – not a cause and effect (if you do this, I will do that), but a personal, daily interaction of God speaking into our daily circumstances. He can and will use the circumstances in our lives to keep drawing us and others into that relationship with him. As I groan inwardly with the loss in this life, I take note that I am changing and others are changing as they watch me. I am blessed, not by the riches in this life or the freedom from suffering, but by my personal relationship with the Lord and by observing others walking more closely with him as God speaks through my life and my circumstances.

To God be the glory!

The Face of the Homeless

When he was young, his heart for justice was sometimes a little more in self interest, though he noticed if others were not treated fairly as well. But as a teen and young adult, his heart was pulled more and more to the injustices in the world that cause some to be trampled by those who trample. And he noticed that some injustices just existed… like why is one person born to a family of means and comfort and another to a mother squatting in a mud hut with little or no food. He had a giving heart that said, “If you need a ride and I have a car, God put us together for such a time as this.” He wasn’t satisfied sending money to help the needy, though he did that as well. He needed to be part of taking hope to the hopeless and extending a hand to those who had fallen or been knocked down.

As I watched him grow and mature and roll ideas around, I was forced to revisit questions I too had asked when I was younger and more idealistic – before I became so busy taking care of my own family. Long conversations late at night shed God’s wisdom and light on the plights of many in this world. It was simple. God said to go, to love, to forgive, to encourage and “spend yourselves on behalf of the hungry” (Isaiah 58:10). I don’t remember ever specifically reading this passage or talking about it, but he lived it as though it was a part of his DNA.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, [I can’t count how many times he challenged my thinking – my assumptions that showed lack of knowledge or understanding] and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, [he didn’t just talk about it – he went and found people already there ministering to the poor and needy and rolled up his sleeves and joined them – regularly – not just for a one-time experience to say he did it] then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. [In his passing, others have taken notice – both of what he did and those he served] The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. [He always had enough – enough time, enough energy, enough love to share.] Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.” [Those of us who love him have caught his vision and passion and are working to repair and restore the broken lives of those who have been passed over and forgotten in this world.] Isaiah 58:9-12

In honor of Andrew’s birthday and his life, we went to the city to help feed homeless people. Andrew had told us that if you go, the people will have faces and names and you will find that they aren’t just ‘the homeless,’ but they are real individual people with real needs that Christ calls us to respond to. As we arrived, we were amazed at how many people were there waiting for a hot meal. Those who had regularly been coming with the Isaiah 61 Ministry quickly jumped into action pulling out containers, serving tables, wiping down, setting up and soon we were handing plates of steaming hot food and cups of hot soup with cookies for dessert and coffee if they wanted it. A bag with sandwiches was also given to them for later. The stale scent of cigarette smoke and unwashed bodies lingered in the air burning my nose and throat. As the rain gently fell and the night air cooled to an uncomfortable 50 degrees, they huddled in small groups with comfortable conversations – all that is except for the inebriated couple who wanted a fight. They were escorted away so the others could eat and converse in peace. The leader of the ministry prayed before the meal and offered anyone who wanted to come and talk if they had needs or wanted someone to pray with them. He offered them a ride to church on Sunday if they wanted to come. After the meal was cleaned up and the tables taken down and put back in the van, we had opportunity to have conversations with the people there. Some of them had already curled up in their blankets on the cement walkway under the carport roof at the courthouse. Their night would be short as they would have to get up and out before people started coming to work in the morning. We then proceeded to a second stop where we gave out meals we had dished into containers previously. It was under a high overpass and the rain was blowing in. But the spirits of the homeless men there were high and they enjoyed the fellowship for a while before taking their food and going to their ‘living space’.

On the ride back, we had opportunity to ask many questions and begin to understand the ministry that had grown from a young couple who had hearts that loved and cared about those less fortunate than themselves. They have a vision much bigger than what they are doing. But that vision requires others to come on board and help finance it. They want to buy a building in the city and make it into a shelter for those who need it and want to get off the street. They want to provide services to help them get back into jobs, into apartments, and/or get the medical attention they need. They want to share Jesus’ love with them first by meeting their very real needs and then by introducing them to the One who died to save them from their sins. We were amazed at what they are already doing – going down twice a week with hot food, extra clothing and blankets, and spending themselves on the needs of those who ask for help.

Now the hard part comes. What am I going to do with this experience? Will I pat myself on the back and say, “Good job! You went one evening and served the homeless. God is pleased with you. Now you can get on with your life.”? Or will I plan to return once in a while or even on a regular basis? Or is God asking me to spend myself on helping get supplies, raising funds for the purchase of a building and to support a family who have given themselves to care for those in need? One thing is for sure… I cannot pretend I did not go and see for myself what it is like to be without a home, without shelter, regular food and a few changes of clothes. I cannot live in my ‘castle in the woods’ and not give another thought to those in need.

Thank you, Andrew, for the challenge to go, to see, to experience, so that we won’t forget those who God has asked us to serve. Thank you Lord, for our precious son who followed your precious Son who, by his life has taught us your tender heart for those who are hungry and in need.

Being Faithful

The book of Ezekiel is full of judgment on the Jewish people because of their unfaithfulness to God. They either ignored the Covenant with God all together, or they gave it lip service, but worshiped other gods and idols. It is hard for me to read the book of Ezekiel because it is so full of all the bad things that are going to happen to the people because of their unfaithfulness. I don’t like reading about judgment or even thinking about it too much. Yet, Ezekiel was given this message from God. He says over and over, “The word of the Lord came to me…” While much of this is aimed directly at the Jewish people as they were about to be destroyed, there are things we can learn about God from reading about their experience.

“I will make the land desolate because they have been unfaithful, declares the Sovereign Lord.” Ezekiel 15:8 I would rather read about the blessings of the Lord for being faithful. But here it is… what happens when we are unfaithful. While this was a very physical reality for the people, I wonder if there are spiritual implications for us even now.

As I tear this apart and meditate about it, I find I need to define what ‘land’ means in spiritual terms. I believe it could apply to my relationship with God and with others – my sphere of influence. If I am unfaithful, my relationship with God and with others will be empty – without meaning, or even non-existent.

Then I think about ‘desolate’. I believe it could mean without hope. When I am unfaithful to God, I find myself in a place without hope. My spirit within me becomes dry and unyielding. My relationship with God is strained and I don’t care so much about other people.

But the word ‘unfaithful’ seems to be at the core of my meditation. I wonder, what does it mean to be unfaithful? Can I be unfaithful in some things and faithful in others? If I’m just unfaithful once in a while, does that count? Is it possible to be faithful 100 percent?

A word I associate with faithful is ‘committed’. In a relationship, if we are faithful, we are committed to the other person – to their well being as well as ours. I wonder, where does my relationship with God stand in terms of commitment? Am I half-heartedly engaged or am I fully engaged in this relationship? What does it mean to be fully committed in a relationship? Can anything grow in my garden and orchard if I am only partially committed – tending it when it suits me? Maybe some things will sort of grow, but they certainly won’t flourish. In the same way, I believe that if I want to see ‘fruit’ in my spiritual life, I need to be fully committed to tending my garden and orchard – my relationship with God.

Our son Andrew said it this way in one of his journals. “Jesus isn’t a fair weather friend. Why should we be? I wonder how many people have tried to apply W.W.J.D. [What would Jesus do?] to their own faith, not just how they live with the world. I think I’ll give it a try, though I hear Yoda in the back of my head saying, ‘There is no try. Do or do not.’ Wise words despite the fact that it came from a 3-foot-tall, 900-year-old alien who doesn’t exist.” He was saying that either we are fully committed or we are not. If we are not fully committed, we are not likely to succeed.

When we are fully committed and faithful to our relationship with the Lord, we will flourish – “He is like a tree planted by the streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.” Psalm 1:3

Lord, I choose to keep my eyes on you – to serve you with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. I do not want to become desolate because of unfaithfulness, but rather, I want to keep my roots deep in your soil, watered by your streams of living water, yielding fruit in season and providing shade for weary travelers. Thank you for your generous provision for me. Help me to not waste it, but to use it well for you. Amen.

The Lord Said...

How many times I have heard people say, “The Lord told me to…” or “The Lord said…” and I have wondered how they are hearing God’s voice and whether or not he has really spoken to them. I don’t want to judge others harshly – many of them have prayed diligently and really do believe they are hearing God’s voice in a matter. On the other hand, we are instructed: “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” I John 4:1

As I read through Jeremiah, there were many false prophets telling the people that all was well and would be well. Jeremiah’s message was not one anyone wanted to hear. He prophesied the disaster that would befall the people if they did not turn their hearts back to God. They had adopted a syncretism in their religion. They still worshiped the Great I Am that led them out of Egypt to the Promised Land, but they also worshiped the foreign gods made of wood and stone. They said, “You shall have no other gods before me,” didn’t apply to them anymore. They were ‘enlightened’ by the other societies around them. If they worshiped the right gods, no disaster would befall them. They had become arrogant and self-centered, not caring for the needs of their neighbors, extended families, or community.

I wonder how close to this society we have become. We have so much and we often neglect the needs of those around us. One of the loudest messages that came through the true prophets was the message of justice and caring for the needs of the poor, the widows, the orphans. I wonder how many of us sit in our beautiful churches and cathedrals singing songs of praise to God, putting a little money in the offering plate (mostly to support the building and programs for ourselves), and then go home thinking we have done our good deeds for the week by showing up in church. And as we make decisions regarding our jobs, our homes, etc. we may give God lip service by saying, “The Lord told me to give up this job and move to that one that makes a lot more money and has better benefits.” Or “The Lord told me to move out of this 3-bedroom house into the new 5-bedroom house with 5 bathrooms and a 3-car garage.” Or, “The Lord has blessed me with all these wonderful things…” Sometimes when we say, “The Lord told me…” or “The Lord blessed me,” we are letting others know that we do not want to be questioned about what we are doing.

Jeremiah confronts this behavior, “This is what each of you keeps on saying to his friend or relative: ‘What is the Lord’s answer?’ or ‘What has the Lord spoken?’ But you must not mention ‘the oracle of the Lord’ again, because every man’s own word becomes his oracle and so you distort the words of the living God, The Lord Almighty, our God.” Jeremiah 23:35-36 Of false prophets, God says through Jeremiah, “But if they had stood in my council, they would have proclaimed my words to my people and would have turned them from their evil ways and from their evil deeds.” Jeremiah 23:22

How can we know that God is speaking to us directly or through others? “‘He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?’ declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 22:16 In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells us, “By their fruit you will recognize them. Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 7:20-21

I don’t want to get caught in making my will out to be God’s will in my life. I hope my Christian brothers and sisters will lovingly confront me if they see me doing this. I don’t want to take lightly, “The Lord told me…” He speaks powerfully through his written Word and as we make room and invite him to, he fills us with His Holy Spirit giving us wisdom and understanding. I believe it is through ‘his transforming me into his likeness’ (II Corinthians 3:18) that I hear his voice. I know it is God and not me when he takes me in a direction I did not expect or plan to go, when he changes me from the inside out into a loving person who cares about others’ needs – spiritual, emotional and physical, and when my definition of being blessed changes from how much I have to how much I have to give. Isaiah challenges us to “spend [ourselves] in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed.” Isaiah 58:10

Lord, help me to guard my tongue and to only give you credit for what is truly from you. Your name is to be honored above all names, not used to manipulate others. Help me to live my life ‘for your name’s sake’, to live in a way you, my heavenly Father, can say, “Well done.”

At Home with Christ

Growing up in a Christian home, I always knew that heaven was something to be looked forward to. Yet, how often in my life did I find myself praying, “Not yet, God. I want to do or experience … first.” Yet, as my faith matured, I began to understand that things of this world are temporary and heaven is my eternal destination. I began to learn to hold things with open hands counting them as blessings to be shared with others as I had opportunity. Even things that we find necessary in this world do not have eternal value unless they are used for God’s purposes.

And yes, even in my mind, I knew that my children also were blessings to be shared and given to God for his purposes. In obedience to Christ and the church, we dedicated our infants and nurtured them in their spiritual journeys toward God. They grew in stature and wisdom and became young adults, developing their gifts and talents and using them to God’s glory. As our son unexpectedly departed from this world, I found there was still a place in my heart where I held tightly to those I love and I prayed, “Not yet, God. I’m not ready to give them up yet. We have so much to do together first.”

As I deal with the pain, Christ comes to me in full radiance and glory and says, “Come with me to a quiet place…” And he steals my heart with his great love. He teaches and instructs me with his words… “I love you…” “You are my child – you belong to me…” “Put nothing or anyone between you and me…” “God first…” “Love your neighbor as yourself…” “It is my desire that no one would perish…” “Take up your cross and follow me…” “I will never leave you or forsake you…” “Trust me…” And I begin to understand that I am an alien in this world. My home is with him. He has purposes on this earth that he allows me to participate in and when my part is completed, I get to go home to be with him forever.

When Paul was in prison, he put it this way. “I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.” Philippians 1:20-24

What is it that causes us to hold on so tightly to this world? Is it because of all the ‘luxury’ we have here that we don’t long to be in our eternal home? Is it because we let all of our belongings and relationships crowd out our relationship with Jesus Christ? Is it our children and/or spouses or our parents? We can look at Paul and say, “Of course! It’s easy for you to choose: prison or heaven?” But I don’t see that Paul was looking at it that way. I believe Paul was so completely enthralled with Christ that he saw his life on earth as being privileged to teach others how they could have a vibrant relationship with Christ and he saw his death as getting to be with Christ forever in eternity.

When I truly understand how great God’s love is for me and for others, that he delights in us and is preparing a place for us to be with him forever, how can I do anything other than say with Paul, “For me to live is Christ and to die is gain?” Heaven is my home. It is where I belong and long to be. But until then, I will count every moment of life an honor and privilege to serve the One who loves me.

Blasphemy or Honor?

It’s not uncommon for fights within churches to hit the headlines in the newspapers. Those who mock Christianity have a ‘hay day’ when we take our fights public. One member sues another member because of ‘breach of contract’ or perceived damages physically, emotionally or financially. Leaders sue or are sued because of misconduct. Denominations fight over who owns the building, the members of the church or the denomination, when churches choose to leave one denomination and join another.

Sometimes we justify ourselves by separating our physical life interactions from our spiritual life interactions. We convince ourselves it is for the sake of ‘justice’ and God loves justice.

Paul has another view on this. “God’s name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.” Romans 2:24 In this case, he was talking to the Jews who had been given the Law but were breaking it constantly and bickering and fighting over who was keeping it better or worse than the next person.

People are watching! They notice quickly when people in the body of Christ, his Church, bicker and fight with each other. They notice when we don’t look any different from the rest of the world when it comes to law suits, divorce, addictions, gossip, slander, etc. And Paul tells us “God’s name is blasphemed.”

I wonder, how well do I represent God’s name as I go about my daily activities? Do people see God’s ‘transformed me’ or do they see my carnal nature full of selfishness, wanting to make myself look better by putting down the next person, arguing and gossiping as I strive for my place in this world? When Eve was deceived and took the fruit, the bottom line was that she wanted to have her own wisdom instead of relying on God’s wisdom. Adam quickly followed. We are no different with every decision we make. We so quickly rely on our own wisdom rather than God’s wisdom. We want to be in control rather than allow God to have control. And God’s name is blasphemed among us.

David was called “a man after God’s own heart.” Even though he did some atrocious things, he quickly repented and received God’s correction. As I have been reading the Psalms of David and wondering about why he was called “a man after God’s own heart,” I noticed something. Very often, when David is imploring God to rescue him or save him from disaster, I see the phrase, “for your name’s sake.” David isn’t just wanting God to rescue him so he can live happily ever after and be great in the eyes of men. He is very conscious that he represents God in his leadership as king and in his dealing with other nations and with his people. So he constantly asks God for wisdom and for protection, “for your name’s sake.”

I wonder what I would look like to other people if I could constantly keep that before me, if every time I interacted with another person I saw myself as God’s ambassador. Would I act differently if I kept in mind that God’s name is either honored or blasphemed by my behavior, by my words, by my decisions?

Today, Lord, fill me with your Holy Spirit and guide me in my decisions, thoughts, and behaviors as I go about my work and relationships for your name’s sake. I choose to follow you and my desire is that your name would be honored and well represented so that others would also choose to follow you because of your great love for us. Amen.

Leaping for Joy

It is easy to be joyful when things go the way we want them to… when “life is good”… when we have everything we could wish for and more… when friends are loyal… when family members get along… when the birds are singing and a cool breeze is blowing…

But whether I read the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew, Luke or Mark, those Beatitudes cause me to ponder where real joy comes from. Luke takes the cake! After saying, “Blessed are you who are poor… hungry… weeping… when men hate you… exclude you… insult you… he ends by saying, “Rejoice in that day and leap for joy…” Luke 6:20-23

What on earth would cause us to leap for joy in those circumstances?

As I ponder this, I see a young child learning to walk… Blessed is the child who gets some bumps and bruises when he falls down because he learns to walk… Blessed is the child who is discouraged because she learns where to go for encouragement and to hang in there… Blessed is the child who deals with some adversity because he becomes strong… Blessed is the teen who makes a poor decision because she learns forgiveness, grace and consequences in life and learns to make good decisions…

It is in the difficult things in life that we grow in character, wisdom, and strength. But more importantly, when we suffer the difficulties in this world, we have opportunity to grow spiritually – to grow closer to God. Part of this is because our focus changes. When we are hungry or poor, we understand that God is our Provider. When we are weeping, we understand that God is our Comforter. When we are looked down on or even excluded or rejected by others, we understand that God is Love. When things are humming along without those adversities, we might get to thinking that we don’t need God… that we are pretty okay on our own… that we are even our own little god and our happy little kingdom is just fine. Our full focus is on the here and now. Life is good!

But when things are difficult, how do we get from enduring, making it through, or just hanging in there and surviving to “leaping for joy”? The rest of the verse is, “… because great is your reward in heaven.” Luke 6:23b I’ve been reading the book, “Just Like Jesus,” by Max Lucado. In it, he talks of Jesus preparing for the crucifixion. He says that Jesus was able to go forward in spite of God not answering his prayer (to remove this cup), in spite of his friends deserting him (they all ran away), and in spite of the pain and suffering because he knew what heaven was like. He came from there and was going back there. And while we have limited information regarding heaven, one thing is sure: Jesus was willing to take on the sin and shame of the entire world so we could join him there. He must really love us! And, it must be a fantastic place – an awesome reward – something to really look forward to! Max Lucado pictures it as, “… we’ll take our place at the table. In an hour that has no end, we will rest. Surrounded by saints and engulfed by Jesus himself, the work will, indeed, be finished. The final harvest will have been gathered, we will be seated, and Christ will christen the meal with these words: ‘Well done, good and faithful servant’ Matthew 25:23.”(p. 149) The reward is not so much in ‘things’, but in a Presence – the Presence of Christ – an overwhelming ‘feel good’ forever.

I wonder then, do I have to wait for eternity to experience some of this forever ‘feel good’? Maybe the reason I can leap for joy now is because heaven and earth are not so far apart. Even as we have troubles in this world, we can experience the Presence of Christ and walk and talk with him. We can accept his assurances, his comfort, his love, his mercy, and his grace; and we can respond with love and worship of him even now. As we anticipate the great banquet, the blessings of all blessings, we can do way better than survive. We can leap for joy because we know we are going ‘home’ and it won’t be long.

Confidence

I like to believe that I am ‘good’ at some things and ‘very good’ at others. That is part of who I am. Throughout my life, I have gained skills and gotten even ‘better’ at some of those things. So when I am ‘in my element’ I can really shine. And I love it when others say, “Wow! You really know what you are doing here.”

According to Luke 5, Simon (later known as Peter) owned his own fishing boat. He had to have been a very good fisherman. It was what he was good at – not just good, but very good! He made a living for himself and for others he hired to help on his boat. No doubt other fishermen would say, “There goes Simon. He’s one of the best fishermen in the whole area.” And little boys who liked fishing would say, “When I grow up, I want to be like Simon and have my own fishing boat and catch big fish.”

It would be quite easy for Simon to feel proud of himself. He had accomplished something important with his life. He was successful at what he did. When Jesus asked to use his boat to speak to the people on the shoreline, Simon must have felt quite proud that Jesus had selected his boat out of all the boats there. He might have thought, “Even Jesus thinks my boat is the best. He chose to use it today.” Yes, Simon’s confidence was high. Well sort of… he had a not-to-successful night fishing the night before and wondered who did what to the sea that there weren’t so many fish to catch anymore. But you’ll have this once in a while. Tonight he would go out again and fill the nets because he was that good and that successful.

After Jesus was done talking with the people, Jesus turned to Simon and asked him to take him on a deep sea fishing trip. Simon was quick to inform Jesus that if he, one of the best fishermen on the coast, was unable to catch anything last night, there was nothing there to be caught. But if Jesus wanted to go out and drag the nets around a while, he would humor him and let him see for himself that there just were no fish in the area right now. Besides, you can’t expect to get fish in the heat of the day – they go deeper and further out. This Jesus sure didn’t know much about fishing.

Wait! What’s going on with the nets? Are they really filling with fish? How can it be? James! John! Come quick and help. This is a huge catch – the most I’ve ever seen in all my years fishing! “… and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.” John 5:7b

Simon’s response was quick, “… he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, ‘Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!’” Luke 5:8 He recognized instantly that only God could do something this huge. Everything that he thought he was, everything that he took confidence in within himself was worthless compared to who he was standing next to. And then Jesus invited Simon to come with him. “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will catch men.” Luke 5:10 And Simon didn’t hesitate, nor did James and John. “So they pulled their boats up on shore, and left everything and followed him.” Luke 5:11

Two things happen when we truly come into the presence of the Lord. First, we see ourselves for what we really are – filthy rags next to his holiness and incompetent next to his greatness. All the greatness that we think we are is suddenly nothing when we truly set our eyes on Jesus. And secondly, when we discover that he loves us in spite of ourselves and that he is inviting us to join him in his work, we are willing to drop everything and follow him. We can do nothing less because there is no place we would rather be than following him.

A Lovely Kingdom in a Lovely Place

Once upon a time, there was a lovely kingdom in a lovely place. People in this kingdom were very kind to each other. They were polite and always said, “Good morning. How are you?” to each person they passed. They worked hard to set up programs to entertain and teach each other about the God who created them. When someone had a need, they were quick to respond. They loved to take a meal to someone who just had a baby or who was recovering from surgery. They gave gifts to people who were grieving. When they got tired of doing good things day after day, they encouraged each other by quoting things the king had taught them in the book that contained all the rules.

As in all kingdoms, there was a king who ruled over this kingdom. It was his rules that the people followed carefully and it was his teachings that they taught each other. The king would go for walks each day and he would see the busy people doing their good things. He wanted to have conversations with them and to personally encourage them and comfort them, but they never seemed to notice him too much or have time for a conversation. Most of them really didn’t even quite know what he looked like and, because he didn’t wear outstanding, flashy garments and a big glittery crown, they simply didn’t recognize him.

Sometimes, when people would have a particularly difficult time, they would cry out to the king for help. The king was excited that they came to him and was very glad to be able to help them. But as soon as the trouble was over, they would tell him they had a lot to do hoping he would understand and again take off with their busy schedule and not notice him or talk with him again for a very long time. And the king would again walk among them unnoticed other than the polite, “Good morning, how are you?” exchanges.

The king longed to have closer friendships with the people and day after day, he continued to walk among them and invite them to sit down and have a good long conversation with him, but there were only a few who would take him up on it. Those who would sit with him were quick to tell others about their conversations and encourage them to also take time to sit down with the king, for he was a very kind and wise king and had so much to teach them. He could explain things from the book they took their rules from so that they would understand how much he loved them and how much he wanted for them to be content and happy.

When someone in the kingdom took time to sit with the king, they soon seemed to be more at peace – content with their lives no matter what their circumstances were. They seemed to have joy that came from somewhere other than their belongings or vacations or a great party. And some people would take notice and ask them about it. They also seemed to have an urgency to help others find time to meet and sit with the king because they believed that the king had much good wisdom for everyone and they just enjoyed their conversations so much they had to tell others about them. They believed that the wisdom they learned from the king would lead to healing in relationships, contentment with life, and even more sharing and caring among the people. And they found out after they began to regularly meet with the king that they didn’t get so tired of doing good things for other people. They didn’t feel so worn out and used, but instead, they were quick to lend a helping hand to others who needed help. Time with the king energized them like nothing else.

When people who spent a lot of time with the king would grow old and be near death, they would be excited because they knew that they would soon be going with him to a better kingdom where they could always be with the king and worship and honor him. The king had told them that they would not have any more struggles or disappointments, but that they would live in his new kingdom and be filled with peace and joy forever. People who didn’t know the king well would be mystified as to why these people would be happy about leaving the kingdom they were in. After all, it was a lovely kingdom in a lovely place.

The king tried to tell them that this was a temporary kingdom, that a time was coming when it would disappear completely. Those who chose to be part of the new kingdom could count on it being there forever. And so the king would stand and say, “Come, welcome to my new kingdom.” And those who knew him would shout for everyone to hear, “Come! Come with me and meet the king in person! Feel his warm hug and learn from his wisdom and learn about the mysteries of his new kingdom.”

The lovely kingdom in a lovely place with polite people is the “lower case” church that we attend on Sunday mornings and sometimes Wednesday evenings. There are many good people in the church doing many good things. But only a few of the people in the church doing lots of good things actually take the time to visit with the king – our Lord. Sure, we say “good morning,” and “thank you for this food,” and “please bless my family,” and “keep my children safe.” But how much of our days do we walk right past the king and ignore him while we are busy doing our many good things?

God desires for us to have a close relationship with him and is constantly inviting us into conversations. He wants to be a part of everything we do and say. His wisdom is there for the asking. I wonder… will we take the time to come and sit with the King? Or will we walk on by because we are we too busy…

Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Mark 6:31

Comfort Enough to Share

Just when I think I got this ‘love others as yourself’ thing down and think I am over being self-centered, God gently points out not one, but two things in my life I am being selfish with – in one morning devotional time!

In one of the devotional books I am using, Bill Klees asks the question, when we worship, are we thinking about how much we enjoy the song, the voices of others in the group, etc. or are we thinking about God and how he is worthy of our praise and thinking about what Jesus did for us and how undeserving we are but how grateful we are that he was willing to die for us? I hate it, but I have to admit that only some of the time I think about how awesome God is and how humbled I am by his great love and desire for relationship with me – in spite of how undeserving I am! More often I think, “Oh, I really like this song.” Or, “I haven’t heard this one before – it’s not as fulfilling to sing different songs I’m not familiar with.” Or, “Wow, the congregation sounds good this morning!”

And even as I am rethinking my worship, I begin to read II Corinthians. And Paul starts right out talking about comfort. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we have received from God.” II Corinthians 1:3-4

In my pain and suffering, I gladly receive the comfort of God, but quite frankly, I thought it was for me. But Paul clearly says it is also for the purpose of comforting others. Being a true introvert, I want to stay away from the questions and fears of others as I deal with my pain. I want to retreat to my own quiet place and ponder things. But God doesn’t mean for us to keep his comfort to ourselves. Paul goes on to say, “…just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.” II Corinthians 1:7b As others express their sadness at out loss, sharing in our sufferings, I have opportunity to share God’s comfort with them. As others join us in praying for this comfort, they need the opportunity to rejoice in the answers to prayer as we receive comfort. “Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.” II Corinthians 1:11b

When Jesus walked on this earth, people took mourning and grieving each other’s losses seriously. They would gather and weep and wail together for several days. Today, we are expected to use our 2-3 days of leave from work, get over it and get back to work and not talk about it as it makes others uncomfortable. Yet, I find in God’s family great support when I am willing to share my pain. And I realize that the greatest comfort comes from those who have gone before me through the grief and pain of losing someone close to them. I realize also that this journey doesn’t end on this side of heaven. Whether it is 3 months, 3 years, or 30 years, people continue on this journey. But neither does the comfort end. And now, it is my turn to comfort those who share in my suffering and also those who come behind me entering this journey for the first time.

It is also an opportunity to quell the fears of those who wonder if they will ever have to travel this road. I can assure them that we have a God we can trust, who delivers the comfort we need when we need it – enough to share!

Mothers Who Said Good-Bye

Most often, the birth of a child is a joyful time. As we birth and raise our children, we begin to understand so much more about God the Father. We begin to learn trust in a new way as we see our child totally dependent upon us. And if we allow ourselves to see it, we see the confidence God had in Mary and Joseph when he chose them to be the place where his One and Only Son, Jesus, would be born, a helpless infant, nurtured and taught in their home, raised to be an adult who glorified God and let go to fulfill the purpose God had for him.

As I ponder this, I look back through Scripture and find Sarah and Abraham. Isaac was a child of promise, given to them in their old age. Prophecy was spoken and fulfilled through his birth. And I wonder if Sarah knew what Abraham was doing when he took Isaac up the mountain… Yet God was there every step of the way, building a nation that would bring him honor and glory.

Then there was Hannah who, tired of the ridicule she received for not having any children, prayed for a child. She was given Samuel . To fulfill the promise she had made to God, she took him to Eli as soon as he was weaned. How hard this must have been for her – yet she knew from the moment of conception, Samuel belonged to God and would be used for his purposes.

Samson’s mother is only known as the wife of Manoah. Again, they knew from conception that Sampson was set apart for God. It must have been hard to believe as Sampson was ‘carousing’ with women from other nations. Yet, God used Sampson for his purposes – even in his death. How the wife of Manoah must have suffered!

Elizabeth and Zechariah were filled with joy when they finally conceived and gave birth to a son. The angel Gabriel had made it clear that this baby was special – set apart to do God’s work. John the Baptist was a son to be proud of. Though he was ‘different’, people flocked to him to hear what he had to say and they heard him, repented and were baptized. But in his outspokenness, he confronted Herod with his sin of adultery. He was beheaded around the age of 30. We don’t know if Elizabeth was still living since she was already up in years when John was born. But if she was, what awful sorrow she would have experienced.

Mary was chosen. The angel Gabriel told her so. What an awesome joy and responsibility to be the mother of the Messiah. Prophecies from Simeon and Anna surely left her wondering what she was in for. At 12, Jesus was discussing Scripture with the teachers in the temple courts. They were amazed at his understanding. He was already letting Mary know that she needed to let go of him. The same Mary who was blessed to be the mother of Jesus stood and watched her son die a horrible death on the cross after being tortured to within an inch of his life. How her heart must have grieved and nearly stopped beating that awful day. I wonder if she looked to God and asked what happened to her blessing.

Salome is believed to be the mother of James and John. What a happy, noisy house they must have had as these ‘Sons of Thunder’ grew up. Salome was with Mary when Jesus was crucified. She knew her sons were disciples. I wonder what thoughts were going through her mind. And then it happened. James was the first of the disciples to be killed in the persecution that followed. I wonder how Salome dealt with her sorrow. I wonder if she lived in fear that John would be next and maybe hoped that she would be chosen to die as well.

I ponder these women in the Bible as I consider my own experience. Little is said about them other than that they were there, they wept and mourned. Simple sentences with years of pain and sorrow attached to them if we allow ourselves to think about it.

While our Andrew may not have books written about him and be looked upon as these special men who were set aside for God’s purposes, there are similarities that help me understand these women in the Bible more. Andrew was a ‘surprise’, our first clue that God had a special purpose for him. Andrew was a child that had a special relationship with God seen early in his life. He worshiped God, absorbed Scripture and read much to nurture his life with God. At the age of 12, he made a firm decision to follow Jesus. He never wavered on that decision. Prophecy was spoken over him that summer and it was another clue that we needed to be willing to let him go to be used for God’s purposes. Andrew walked with Jesus. He learned from him and applied daily what he learned. He took Matthew 25 seriously and served those who most people step over or avoid completely. He was quick to give a ride, encourage hope in the hopeless, and spent his life serving others. He brought people alongside him, mentoring and teaching by the way he lived his life. He died suddenly at the age of 28 leaving those who loved him, worked side-by-side with him and those mentored by him wondering why. While his life affected many, his death has affected even many more and only God knows how many people will join Andrew in heaven worshiping at the feet of Jesus because he was willing to be used according to God’s purposes.

I now join Elizabeth, Mary, and Salome saying good-bye to our young adult sons, pondering in our hearts all that God is doing and will continue to do because they were willing to be used by him for his purposes. We are all blessed to be the mothers of special young men. That blessing has not been removed. Yet, we have been asked to do a very hard thing. Somehow, knowing that God is using it to his honor and glory gives us the strength to go on. We are in ‘partnership’ with God who continues to bless us and meet all of our needs as we continue on this journey he has assigned to us.

Oswald Chambers says that it is in the fire of sorrow that we find ourselves. He says that success leads to pride, monotony leads to complaining, and only sorrow leads to finding ourselves. (My Utmost for His Highest, June 25, updated edition) When we find ourselves, we become compassionate and loving people because we allow God to express himself through us. I believe that it is in sorrow that we finally give up our last hold on selfish desires and present ourselves to God as a living sacrifice, ready to serve him wholeheartedly. Sorrow is a refining fire that purifies our motives and desires. We find ourselves as we discover the true purpose for which God has created us and called us to be.

Lord, help me to lean into the sorrow that you have given me to bear and not pull back. Help me to learn everything that you have for me to learn in this experience so that I will be the most useful to you in your purposes as I finish out my life on this earth. Thank you for your constant presence that comforts me and guides me. Thank you that you have not left me alone but have provided others to walk beside me on this journey. I worship you and praise you alone.

“You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. … How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! ... Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:5-10;17;23-24