Follow Me!

It started in the Garden of Eden: “She did it!” “He told me to do it!” And here thousands of years later: “What about him?” It sounds like children trying to get the heat off of themselves and focus on someone else. We hear it all the time in our homes, in the classrooms, in our back yards – wherever children are gathered. As adults, we may get a little more sophisticated about it, but it is still the same. When things get hot, we hope someone else will take the fall and not us.

“Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, ‘Lord, who is going to betray you?’) When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.’” John 21:20-22 Jesus was letting Peter (and all of us) know that it is a personal decision to follow him. It is not dependent upon anyone else’s decisions or life circumstances. Peter was eye to eye with Jesus and Jesus was not about to let him look away and change the focus.

Jesus had just told Peter what the cost was – he was going to die on a cross. And he was asking him to make the decision to follow him. Jesus knew Peter well. He knew that when Peter made that decision, he would not waver but would stick with it to the end.

I watch people today making excuses to not follow Jesus. “The church is full of hypocrites.” “When I was young, someone said/did something and that did it for me. I can’t be part of a church that does…” “This person claimed to be a Christian, but he did/said…” We’ve all heard them. Maybe we’ve said them. But Jesus looks me straight in the eye and says, “You must follow me!” He doesn’t want us to follow those that are messing up – he wants us to follow him. He doesn’t want us to look at others to see what they are going to do – he wants us to follow him. He wants me to follow him!

There are two kinds of following here. One is the ‘big decision’ from which we will not waver. The other is the daily decision, the circumstance by circumstance decision to follow Christ. It is the ‘fleshing out’ what it means to follow Christ. It is the effort to quiet the rantings of the world and listen for the still small voice of the Holy Spirit from which true knowledge and wisdom comes. It is learning everything I can about my teacher so that I can apply his teachings in new places and circumstances in my life.

And when I feel lost and alone, all I need do is look up and listen carefully for the voice. Then I’ll hear it, “Follow me!” And I’ll know which way to turn, where to go.

Counting the Cost

Sometimes the English language is annoying. We use the same word to mean so many different things. How can we sort it all out? The word ‘love’ is the epitome of this problem. I love the color blue is not the same emotion as I love my spouse or my child. And on different days, loving another person may mean different things. So when we read about Jesus conversation with Peter regarding love, without the original language using agapao and phileo, we don’t get the whole picture of the conversation. Agapao is a much stronger, more involved kind of loving. It is a choice of will that acts with the other’s best interest at heart. It is the kind of love that Jesus had for us when he willingly went to the cross to die for us. Phileo is more of a ‘buddy’ kind of love where you love being with someone who has common interests with you.

I imagine that Peter had a hard time looking Jesus in the eye after the resurrection. He likely felt like a failure. He had wanted so much to be strong and go the whole distance with Jesus and he had let Jesus down miserably. Jesus surely was aware that Peter was uncomfortable and needed to talk about the situation so he could move on. So after they had a nice breakfast of fish and bread, Jesus began the conversation. “’Simon son of John, do you truly love [agapao] me more than these?’ ‘Yes, Lord,’ he said, ‘you know that I love [phileo] you.’ Jesus said, ‘Feed my lambs.’” John 21:15 Peter is responding to Jesus with saying, “Come on! Of course I love you. You’re my buddy! Didn’t we have some good times together over these last three years?”

Jesus is looking for more than nostalgia here. So he tries again. “’Simon son of John, do you truly love [agapao] me?’ He answered, ‘Yes, Lord, you know that I love [phileo] you.’ Jesus said, ‘Take care of my sheep.’” John 21:16 I’m thinking that Peter is beginning to think hard here. What is Jesus asking of me? Why is he asking me the same question? I guess I deserve it since I chickened out a few days ago.

Jesus changes his tactic a bit and says, “’Simon son of John, do you love [phileo] me?’ Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, ‘Do you love me?’ He said, ‘Lord, you know all things; you know that I love [phileo] you.’ Jesus said, ‘Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger, you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.’ Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, ‘Follow me.’” John 21:17-20

I wonder if the third time, Jesus was saying to Peter, “I’ll take what I can get from you right now. I know your heart and I know that you will come through in the end. We can start here with phileo. You will learn agapao with time.” In fact, he assures Peter that he will have an opportunity to die on a cross – to go the distance for him. Peter has a decision to make here. Is he going to answer the second call on his life or walk away? The first time, he didn’t know what he was getting into when he decided to follow Jesus with the other disciples. This time he does. Jesus knows that if Peter chooses to come this time, he is in all the way – not just with his thoughtless charging ahead, but thoughtfully, knowing the cost.

My faith journey did not start with agapao. I was young and didn’t begin to understand the cost of love. This discussion between Peter and Jesus is encouraging to me because it helps me understand that Jesus is willing to take me where I am at – with whatever love I am capable of – and keep teaching and moving me toward agapao. I probably won’t end up on a cross like Peter did, but I am constantly asking myself, what am I willing to give up in order to feed Jesus sheep? Society tells me that I should protect myself, my time, my resources. Jesus keeps inviting me to look at people as he does – lost sheep without a shepherd. Will my compassion for others win over my desire to hold on to self-preservation? Will my compassion for others win over my holding on to and accumulating ‘stuff’? Will my compassion for others cause me to give up personal, self-satisfying goals in order to teach others that there is a safe pasture with living water to refresh their weary souls?

Until I let go of everything and fully follow Jesus, I am stuck with phileo – a lot of good feelings but holding back total and complete surrender to his leadership with agapao. How far am I willing to go? How much am I willing to invest?

When Life Gets Tough, Go Fishing!

Lately, I have become aware how much the rhythms of my day depend on others around me staying in the rhythms of their day. When someone who is in my normal mix throughout the day is missing for some reason or they change it up a bit, there are ‘empty spaces’ created and I need to think how I want or need to fill those spaces. A friend whose spouse was killed in a tragic accident put it this way, “Two years after the accident, I finally woke up one morning and felt ‘normal’ again.”

John kind of ended his message with John 20:31, summarizing his purpose for writing the book. But then it seems he has a couple of more things he wants to tell us.

“Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples, by the Sea of Tiberias. It happened this way: Simon Peter, Thomas (called Didymus), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. ‘I’m going out to fish,’ Simon Peter told them, and they said, ‘We’ll go with you.’ So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.’” John 21:1-3 I imagine that the disciples were pretty much wondering around looking for a ‘new normal’ as they could no longer just find Jesus and follow him around every day. When we feel lost, the tendency is to go back to something that is more comfortable or ‘normal’ for us. It had been three years since these disciples had fished on a regular basis, but when their world came unglued, it was still the most comfortable place to go back to.

“Early morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. He called out to them, ‘Friends, haven’t you any fish?’ ‘No,’ they answered. He said, ‘Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.’ When they did that, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish. John 21:4-6 Since the disciples were not aware that it was Jesus, I wonder why they chose to follow his suggestion to try the other side. Why didn’t they just give up and say, “No fish today”? Jesus seemed to understand their need to go back and fish. He didn’t tell them, “Hey, I didn’t teach you all those things in the last three years so you can get back into a boat and fish for stinky fish. Now get out of that boat and get back to the work I taught you!” In fact, he told them how to catch fish so they would experience success again.

“Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, ‘It is the Lord!’ As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, ‘It is the Lord,’ he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from the shore, about a hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus said to them, ‘Bring some of the fish you have just caught.’ Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, ‘come and have breakfast.’ John 21:7-12

Peter jumped out of the boat and waded to shore – the others finished the task of landing the boat. Typical Peter – can’t wait for the boat to land. But when Jesus asks for some of the fish they caught, he is the first back into the boat to get the fish. I wonder if Peter is thinking about how he let Jesus down and denied knowing him those three times. I wonder if he wants badly to please Jesus and if he is thinking about how he wants Jesus to know that he loves him and would do anything for him. He won’t ever betray his friend again! He just can’t do enough fast enough to try to please Jesus.

Jesus made breakfast for them. “Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.” John 21:13-14 Jesus once again served his disciples. I wonder what was going through their minds as they sat there eating with Jesus. Jesus seems to be coming and going with them – totally unpredictable. He doesn’t seem to be saying to them, “Come on guys, get it together. You have work to do.” But rather, he seems to be giving them space to figure out what the new normal is going to be. He is breaking it to them gradually – giving them time to absorb that he is indeed risen from the dead – before getting them back into their leadership positions he has groomed them for. He seems to understand that they need time to assimilate all the new and different information they have been subjected to over the last couple of weeks.

Gone fishing! Yes, they turned to something familiar while they were processing everything. Fishing has lots of opportunity for the mind to wander, dream, think, and process information. When life gets tough, I’m going fishing! I think Jesus will meet me there, give me a good breakfast and help stabilize my world again.

The Real Deal

Is it really him? Who is this Jesus that has risen from the dead? What form has he taken? What is his message after the cross? “On the evening of the first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you!’ After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.” John 20:19-20 What a state of confusion their minds must have been in! How did Jesus get in? But we can touch him. He has the scars that would be there from what happened to him on the cross. He looks like Jesus. He acts like Jesus. Very quickly their minds come to rest that he is indeed the Lord. He has risen from the dead and is standing here with them. Joy and elation!

“Again Jesus said, ‘Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.’ And with that he breathed on them and said, ‘Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven, if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.’” John 20:21-23 Jesus is again preparing them for another transition. He will not stay with them in this physical form. He is sending them in his place and giving them authority to forgive. They are to carry his love and forgiveness to others. Are they up for the task? Jesus seems to believe they are. Will they remember what he has taught them over the last three years? Will they be able to apply those teachings in different situations?

“Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, ‘We have seen the Lord!’ But he said to them, ‘Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.’” John 20:24-25 For this, he earned the name ‘Doubting Thomas’. Not that I can blame him. It is an incredulous idea that someone could walk out of a tomb after three days and they sure wouldn’t have taken him down from the cross if he wasn’t dead! I know that he brought a few people back to life over the last couple of years, but who is to bring the life back into him if he is dead? Wait a minute. What did he say in his prayer about him and the Father being one? Was it the Father in him raising people from the dead? Could it be that the same Father would actually raise Jesus from the dead as well? But I want to see it for myself and know that he really is alive.

“A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you!’ Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.’ Thomas said to him, ‘My Lord and my God!’ Then Jesus said to him, ‘Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.’” John 20:26-29 Thomas is blessed to have been able to put his finger on the scars – to feel the flesh of the risen Lord. But what about me? Can I believe in a risen Lord that I have not physically touched?

“Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.” John 20:30-31 John has given testimony after testimony of what he heard and saw and experienced with Jesus. Now he boldly states his purpose – so that whoever finds themselves reading these words would come to believe that Jesus is the Christ.

During this ‘wondering’ through John, I saw something that I had not ever given much thought before. Everything that John chose to include from his experiences with Christ was to convince the reader that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God. He now clearly states that. He hopes we will accept his testimony and believe so that we can have life in Jesus’ name. His Gospel is different from Matthew, Mark and Luke in that his purpose was not to record Jesus’ teachings, but rather convince us that Jesus is the Christ. Once we get that, then Jesus’ teachings become very important to us and the hunger develops to read, absorb, and understand what Jesus had to say about everyday living. What did he teach about right and wrong? What did he teach about our relationship with God?

I am grateful John took the time to write these inspired words. It gives me grace as I cycle through life with moments of walking boldly with my Lord and moments of doubt. It encourages me to back off the flesh demanding, “Prove it!” And it allows my spirit to connect with the Holy Spirit and experience the peace and assurance that Jesus is indeed the Christ and that his love for me knows no bounds. “Peace be with you. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 20:19; 3:17

Lingering at the Tomb

The disciples left, “but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.” John 10:11-12 I wonder why Peter and John did not see the angels. Mary did. Is it possible that Mary lingered and therefore she saw the angels? I wonder how many times in my life I miss important things or blessings because I’m in too much of a hurry to get somewhere else? Peter and John likely feared for their lives being out and exposed. They were in a hurry to get back into hiding where it was safer. They missed the angels and they missed what came next as well.

“They asked her, ‘Woman, why are you crying?’ ‘They have taken my Lord away,’ she said, ‘and I don’t know where they have put him.’ At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus. ‘Woman,’ he said, ‘why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?’ Thinking he was the gardener, she said, ‘Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Mary.’ She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, ‘Rabboni!’ (which means Teacher.)” John 20:13-16

I wonder why Mary did not recognize Jesus at first. Even when he spoke to her, she did not recognize his voice until he said her name. I wonder if she could not see it was him because she did not expect him to be alive. She likely wasn’t focusing very well because she was distraught. But somehow, his speaking her name focused her and she could see and hear that it was indeed Jesus standing there.

“Jesus said to her, ‘Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’” John 20:17 I imagine when Mary realized it was Jesus, she held on to him very tight – like a child holding on to a lost kitten that just returned, not wanting to ever let go for fear it would disappear again. It is pretty clear that Jesus was not a ghost at this point. You can’t hug a ghost. He wanted to make sure that Mary fully understood that he had indeed risen from the dead and was alive again. And I’m pretty sure that John shared these details in order to convince us as well that Jesus did indeed rise from the dead.

“Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: ‘I have seen the Lord!’ And she told them that he had said these things to her.’” John 20: 18 In a recent Bible study I did, the author pointed out that the form of the word ‘seen’ here actually means: change focus, look away from one to see another. It is interesting to me that Jesus chose to appear to Mary Magdalene before the disciples. Mary had done a complete turn-around in her life when she met Jesus and had been a devoted follower from then on, even traveling with him and caring for his needs along the way. While the other Gospels include other women with Mary at this time, John chooses to focus on Mary Magdalene for some reason. Possibly, she was the spokesperson for the women, or possibly, she was the most bubbling, outstanding, talkative among the women. But in my mind, it likely was because Mary had gained so much from what Jesus said and did in her life; and his act of going to the cross, dying and rising again, was for Mary and those who like her were a total mess without him. There is no one so bad that Jesus cannot save them. I think John wanted to make that clear. I think many times through his ministry here on earth, Jesus also made it clear that there is no one so good that they don’t need him. But in this case, I think John wanted to make sure that we understood the complete turn-around Mary made.

I wonder if I have too much distracting me in my life, or if I am willing to linger with Jesus long enough to see what he is doing and allow him to speak into my life, or change my direction. I would like to be able to say with Mary, “I have seen the Lord!” I want to hear his voice when he calls my name and sends me with a message for others. And I want to go immediately and without hesitation to carry the message he has given me.