Broken Promises

We’ve all done it somewhere along the line… made a promise that we failed to keep. Maybe it was a simple, “I’ll call you right back,” followed by getting busy with something and forgetting until the next day or two that we were supposed to call them back. Or maybe it was a bigger thing like broken wedding vows. Or often we tell people, “I’ll pray for you,” when we hear they are struggling with something and then get busy with our own lives and completely forget to pray for them.

“But Peter insisted emphatically, ‘Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.’ And all the others said the same.” Mark 14:31 Shortly after this emphatic statement, Peter disowned Christ, not one time, but three times, just as Christ had predicted he would.

We never know what we will do in a time of trial until we are in that time of trial. But Jesus had good advice for preparing. He took the disciples to Gethsemane and told them to sit there while he prayed. Then he took Peter, James and John a little further in and said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch.” Mark 14:34 Jesus went a little further and fell to the ground and prayed a deep prayer of submission to the Father. He had a promise to keep – a promise that was made over and over from the beginning of time. It was the most heart-wrenching thing anyone would ever have to do – take on the sin of the world and die on the cross. He asked God to take it away, but then submitted to God’s will, not his own.

I promised to love and follow Christ no matter what happened in my life. I had read the book of Job many times and each time, I resolutely promised that if God ever allowed such sorrow to come into my life, I would still follow him. I read and held on to verses like, “Though he slay me, yet I will hope in him…” Job 13:15 And, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.” Habakkuk 3:17-19

Even as I made these promises to God, I hoped that it would never be necessary to be tested on this. Many times I had played the scenario in my mind – how would I respond if the State Police came to the door to tell me that one of our sons or my spouse had died in a car accident or had been murdered? Would I faint? Would I scream or at least cry out loudly? Would I yell at God for letting such a thing happen?

As I studied Christ and his disciples, I learned something important: Pray – keep in touch with the Father through the good times as well as the hard times. In Gethsemane, Jesus told the disciples, “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Mark 14:38

Trust – God can be trusted. He keeps his promises. “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.” John 14:1

Be steadfast – “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” John 16:33

I had a promise to keep. January 24 was my Gethsemane. When we received the call that our 28-year-old son had died, we had to decide how we would respond. Yes, it is still a decision to make. Even as we held each other absorbing the shock, the first words out were, “He gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21 paraphrased. How glibly we sing that song when there is nothing being taken away! How hard it is to sing when the loss is great!

Faith that hasn’t been tested is no faith at all. It is merely an idea. Once it has been tested, it becomes real. I now understand the words ‘sorrowful’ and ‘anguish’. I am beginning to understand what Jesus meant when he said, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” John 14:34 It is the feeling that it would be better to have never been born than to have to go through this pain. “Yet, not as I will, but what you will.” John 14:36 It is a time of submission – not just resignation to something we cannot change, but purposeful submission to being willing to walk with God ‘even though he slay me.’ It is a time of understanding that God has the big picture and I need to trust him to carry out his perfect plan – even when I can’t understand the ‘troubles’ I’m having.

There is a peace that comes with that submission. Just as Christ submitted to the cross because of his great love for us, I can submit to God because of my great love for him, ‘even though he slay me.’ In my mind, it is the picture of a dog rolling on his back, belly up, to a human who has the power to harm him or rub his belly. It is the most submissive position they can have. A dog who has learned to trust the human puts his whole life on the line trusting that it will be a belly rub. Can I be that submissive to God? Can I trust that even in my most vulnerable moments he will respond in love?

Yes, my faith has been tried. And I have found a God who keeps his promises. How tenderly he has cared for us in the midst of our ‘trouble’. How often he has comforted us, held us as we wept, and encouraged us through his Word and his people. 

Lord, I choose to follow you, even though you slay me. I fully submit my life and everything I have to you and your purposes. I trust in your great love. Amen.

Treasure in Heaven

The Bible is the most amazing Book of Wisdom. It continues to be relevant thousands of years after it was written. Each circumstance in our lives makes us more sensitive to specific pieces of wisdom. I love reading it over and over because each time I read it, it has something different or more poignant for me to absorb.

Since our son left this earth sooner than we expected (though assuredly in God’s timing), verses concerning heaven and eternity jump off the pages. Psalms of distress and sorrow read differently. Today is a ‘sorting, packing and giving’ day. I will be going through household items, boxing them and preparing them to go to an organization that helps refugees get resettled. As I hold and bless and give these things to others, they are filled with sweet memories of time spent together here on this earth.

This morning, I read about the Rich Young Man who came to Jesus asking about inheriting eternal life. When Jesus spoke to him about keeping the commandments, the young man responded that he had kept them meticulously since he was a boy. I wonder, was he trying to get Jesus to say, “Good job! You’re in!” and expecting a pat on the back? Or was he really wanting to gain more wisdom?

Jesus response then was, “One thing you lack. Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” Mark 10:21

In a nation where the prosperity gospel is regularly preached, it is easy to interpret the ‘treasure in heaven’ as all the things we think we need and wish for on this earth – a bigger TV, a new car, gold, silver, diamonds, a big house that is self-cleaning, etc. But today, as I sort through Andrew’s things that were useful on this earth and pass them on to other people who can use them, it occurs to me that I have a treasure in heaven and it is not gold or silver or diamonds or things. It is my son. And it is my grandmother, my grandfather, and my friends who have gone before me. Those relationships don’t die – those people are among the “cloud of witnesses” cheering us on and ready for us to join them when our time on this earth is finished. (Hebrews 12:1-3)

More than ever, things have become just that – things. While they serve us here on this earth, they do not have eternal value. Only what we do with those things has eternal value. Do we use the things we have been blessed with to love and serve others, or do we hoard and accumulate until they suffocate us? Andrew was good at holding his belongings with ‘open hands.’ He was blessed with a car – he was quick to give rides to those who needed them. He was blessed with food – he was quick to invite friends and neighbors to eat with him. He was blessed with health and energy – he was quick to serve others in whatever way he could. He sought God's forgiveness if he hesitated even for a moment. Those people and acts of kindness are the eternal treasures stored up in heaven. Each person he served was someone loved by Jesus and hopefully, many of them will someday be with Andrew in eternity saying, “Thanks for your kindness. You helped me find hope when I had none. You helped me find Jesus.”

Lord, give me wisdom as I sort through things today. Help me to enjoy the memories and then pass on the blessings to others who have need of them. Amen.

I Can Do It Myself!

When our youngest son was about two years old, I had to make sure I heard him wake up in the morning. If I didn’t get to him in time, he would go to the refrigerator, get the apple juice out and try to pour himself a glass of apple juice. It would be all over the floor and under the refrigerator and I would have a sticky mess to clean up not to mention that we would be out of apple juice again. That was one of the many ways he tried to do things for himself. All he had to do was come to me and ask and I would help him, but he seemed unaware of that and generally thought he needed to do things for himself.

“After that whole generation had been gathered to their fathers, another generation grew up, who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel.” Judges 2:10

As I read the book of Judges, I see a people who generation after generation would forget that they had a God who loved them and would take care of them. So, like my son, they would try to do things for themselves and make a big mess. The Lord would let them go for a while and live in bondage and then, “the Lord had compassion on them as they groaned under those who oppressed and afflicted them.” Judges 2:18b In his compassion, the Lord would send them another Judge, someone who knew God and followed him, who would lead the people out of bondage again. But as soon as that Judge was gone, the people would go right back to worshiping other gods and, therefore, right back into bondage.

I wonder if we have learned anything from the history recorded in the Bible. I look at churches today… a new church will grow up led by someone with real passion for God and for leading his people to victorious lives. As time goes on, several things happen. Sometimes the leader gets prideful of what ‘he’ accomplished forgetting it was God who was doing the work. Sometimes the leader moves on to plant another church and new leaders come in who are less passionate. People get comfortable in the established congregation and follow the rituals without their hearts being passionate for Christ. While the parents have distant memories of what God has done, the children are clueless – they haven’t been taught and it isn’t an ongoing experience, so they are not learning who God is and how he works in their daily lives. And so the church grows cold and after a while begins to dwindle in attendance and eventually dies out or carries on with a mostly dead body.

So I wonder, where does the passion come from that keeps a church body alive and well? We have something that those Israelites didn’t have – we live in a time after Jesus came and took on human flesh, died and was resurrected and gave us the gift of the Holy Spirit. "For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit." Ephesians 2:18 We don’t have to wait for a judge or priest to take us back to the Lord. We can approach him every day and ask for his help with every battle in our lives. I somehow think the passion comes from knowing how much he has done for us and how much we need him. And if we are humble enough to admit that, not only will he ‘show up’ and help us, but our children will see our dependence upon God and learn to also walk with him. I don’t think passion is something that can be passed on, but it is something that must be learned through personal experience with God. Yes, we can get a ‘buzz’ from being next to someone who is passionate, but it will not ‘stick'.

How rich we are! We have a compassionate God who loves us. We don’t have to wade around in the sticky messes we make for ourselves. We can ask him for help. And he is faithful… “For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” Psalm 100:5

For the Sake of Your Name

The Psalms are full of good stuff for grieving people. While Psalm 23 is a comfort, there are many Psalms that cry out to God, “Rescue me from my enemies.” On the journey of grief, we find many enemies along the way. Fear is the worst one. Our daughter-in-love made a list of 20 fears that she deals with. I share many of those fears. The first one is that somehow we are responsible for our son’s death, followed by I’ll never get past this grief and obsession over him and then I’ll forget to remember him. Irrational? Yes. But, nevertheless, real intrusions into our thoughts.

As I was reading Psalm 31 this morning, it grabbed my attention already in verse 1. “In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge…” Then, “Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me. Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.” Psalm 31:2-3

And there is was: “for the sake of your name.” Suddenly I see David (and myself) in a new light. In my self-aware, self-centered frame of mind, I’m thinking the emphasis is on, “save me,” “rescue me,” “hide me,” “shelter me,” but David says, “for the sake of your name,” take care of me. David was focused on what God was doing for the sake of God’s name – not just on saving his own skin. As I ponder this, I think of Moses when he was interceding for the Israelites after they had committed grievous sin while Moses was on the mountain with God. “But Moses sought the favor of the Lord his God, “O Lord,” he said, “why should your anger burn against your people, whom you brought out of Egypt with great power and a mighty hand? Why should the Egyptians say, ‘It was with evil intent that he brought them out, to kill them in the mountains and to wipe them off the face of the earth’? Turn from your fierce anger; relent and do not bring disaster on your people. Remember your servants Abraham, Isaac, and Israel… Then the Lord relented.” Exodus 32:11-14 Moses was also interested in “for your name sake” even as he pleaded for God’s mercy.

As I read down through the Psalm, I find, “Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth.” Psalm 31:5 Jesus quoted the first part of this verse from the cross. Jesus was submitting to the will of God – even to the point of death on the cross.

“Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.” Psalm 31:9-10 I share this pain with David. I’m weary with grief and anguish.

“But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands: deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.” Psalm 31:14-16 “How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you. In the shelter of your presence you hide them from the intrigues of men; in your dwelling you keep them safe from accusing tongues. Praise be to the Lord, for he showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city [a state of grief]. In my alarm I said, ‘I am cut off from your sight!’ Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help. ‘Love the Lord, all his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful.’” Psalm 31:19-23

I wonder then, as I journey through this grief, if my focus is on “for the sake of your name,” or is it on me? If my focus is on me, I find myself drowning in irrational fear and pain. If my focus is on the Lord, I see his hand outstretched to me, pulling me out of my sea of fear and pain, rescuing me, because he is a loving and merciful God. And I shout with David, “Love the Lord, all his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful.” Psalm 31:23

The Longest Sermon

If I knew I only had 24 hours to live, what would I do with that time? I’ve asked myself that and similar questions many times trying to figure out my priorities in life. If I only had 1 year, or 3 months, or 1 month, or two weeks, or one week… Having recently lost a son to sudden death, the question has become more prominent in my mind.

I think of relationships with family and friends, I think of projects unfinished in my ‘basement of dreams’ and of the too many belongings that need to be gone through and dispersed. But as I read through Acts and see what we call ‘Paul’s Missionary Journey,’ I find myself thinking of something different. Paul didn’t ‘plan’ his journey saying, “First I will go here and then after 3 months, I will move on to…” Rather, he was constantly pushed on by persecution and threats of prison and death if he stayed. As he journeyed, he picked up leaders in the various communities that he mentored and taught. He sometimes took different folks with him to the next place, mentoring them on the way. But he was always teaching, teaching, teaching, preaching, preaching, preaching… And many people – Jews and Gentiles – came to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of their lives as a result of Paul’s persistence in teaching the Gospel. Many churches grew up in many cities and countries because of Paul’s persistence in teaching the Gospel.

Always, hanging over Paul was the threat of eminent death – he was stoned, beaten, and imprisoned time after time. But he persisted. What did he teach? When he was with the Jews he tried to use their own Scriptures to convince them that Jesus Christ was indeed the Messiah and Savior of the world. When he was with the Gentiles, he taught them of the One True God… “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth… he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men… and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’ Therefore, since we are God’s offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone – an image made by man’s design and skill. In the past God overlooked such ignorance. But now he commands all people everywhere to repent. For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to all men by raising them from the dead.” Acts 17:24-31

We find Paul at Troas for seven days. On the last day he was there, “because he intended to leave the next day, kept on talking until midnight… [Eutychus fell asleep and fell out the window, was dead, Paul raised him back to life] Then he [Paul] went upstairs again and broke bread and ate. After talking until daylight, he left.” Acts 20:7, 11 It seems that Paul’s heart was to teach the people and especially the leaders the truth about Jesus, his purpose, his mission, and his death and resurrection. With every breath he was given, it was Paul’s purpose to make sure that no one went without hearing that Jesus was the Messiah and that he had come, lived and died and rose again to save them from their sins. “Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again. Therefore, I declare to you today that I am innocent of the blood of all men. For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God.” Acts 20:25-27 Paul was convinced that every breath he had belonged to God and he would use it to proclaim God’s love and grace to everyone he came in contact with.

The question then remains, what if I only had 24 hours to live, how would I spend it? What is it that God wants me to do with every breath that he gives me? The mission of Jesus was to make sure everyone understood how much God loved them – even to the point of death on the cross. His resurrection brought with it the promise of eternal life with him in heaven for all who believe in him and accept his gift of grace – forgiveness of sins. Paul’s mission was to make sure no one went without hearing that good news. The Apostles worked diligently to spread the Gospel as far and wide as they could. Peter tells us, “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” II Peter 3:9 The Lord does not want anyone to perish. His desire is that everyone hears the good news and has opportunity to repent and be saved from their sins.

I am not an orator and would have a difficult time preaching/teaching all day and all night as Paul did, but still, when I take my last breath, I want to be able to say with Paul that I am innocent of the blood of all men. I want to be able to say that I shared the good news with anyone and everyone that God brought into my path or sent me to. I want to pour out my life for God’s kingdom just as Jesus poured out his life for me. My priorities should not change whether I have 50 more years to live or whether I die tomorrow. My priority is to make sure everyone has an opportunity to respond to God’s invitation to become part of his kingdom.

Help me, Lord, to not squander the life you have given me to live, but to use it to your honor and glory, today and as long as you give me breath.

He is the God of the Living

It is an interesting experience to read the last few chapters of Matthew followed by Psalm 22. How could David write these things so many years prior to them happening to Christ?

I wonder if it was because David was so close to God… He sought after God, worshipped God, struggled with God, repented and came back to God for healing over and over. God gave him the song that became what we know as Psalm 22. It was a glimpse of what was to come.

And Jesus obviously knew the Scriptures and knew this Psalm. So much of it became his experience… “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?... He trusts the Lord; let the Lord rescue him… they have pierced my hands and my feet… they divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing… the poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the Lord will praise him… all the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the Lord and he rules over the nations… they will proclaim his righteousness to the people yet unborn – for he has done it.” Psalm 22:1, 8, 16, 18, 26-28, 31

Jesus’ death on the cross was no accident of fate. It was a carefully planned out event on God’s kingdom calendar. It was the ultimate Passover and he was the Passover lamb. It was his victory over death – part of his eternal plan rescuing us from sin and death. “He is not the God of the dead, but of the living.” Matthew 22:32 When he rose from the dead, he took away Satan’s power of fear of death. Because I know I will live in eternity, I don’t have to fear what happens to this mortal body. It is simply a vehicle to get around in this world and can be used to praise God while I’m here as I will praise God in heaven.

I have a really hard time saying the words, “My son is dead.” I think it is because I don’t believe it. I’m not in denial that his physical body as I have known it will not walk through my door with his big smile or wrap me in his big hug. But death has been conquered. I can now see it for what it really is – a passage from life on the timeline of this world to life in eternity. God is the God of the living – whether they are living in this world in the mortal body or whether they are living in eternity with him. Jesus showed us with his resurrection that life continues. In fact, life in eternity is more life than life in this world can ever be!

So I’m waiting – with hope and full of his promises – until I cross over into eternity where real life begins. In the meantime, I’m living in my mortal body as a disciple of Jesus Christ and trying to keep learning what it means to be God’s servant, to honor him with my life on this side of eternity, and to be part of his body here on this earth by reaching out to others and loving them. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Jesus asked those who follow him to get this message out to the world. This is our job description: “Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

What is it we are commanded to do? While we have many more teachings of Jesus, he summed it up with, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40 Spurred on by our son’s great faith, I will continue to grapple with what this looks like in daily life and interactions with others – as long as God gives me breath on this earth.

I'm Walking on Water

When someone we love dearly leaves this earth, we grieve deeply. When Jesus received the news that John the Baptist had been killed by Herod, “he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place.” Matthew 14:13 But the only ‘private’ and ‘solitary’ he got was while he was in the boat because, “When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” Matthew 14:14

After feeding the 5,000 men plus women and children with only five loaves of bread and two fish, Jesus sent his disciples ahead of him in the boat, dismissed the crowds, and then “he went up on the mountainside by himself to pray.” Matthew 14:23 Not only was his time for grieving taken from him, but he put in a long, hard day before he was able to finally get by himself and deal with his grief through prayer – alone time with just Jesus and his Father.

It was after this ‘alone time’ that Jesus, in the early hours of the morning, walked out to his disciples on the water which would have been anything but calm. Matthew tells us that the boat was “buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.” Matthew 14:24 And it was at this time that Peter, wild with the possibilities of what Jesus could do, climbed out of the boat and began his walk toward Jesus – on the water! We give Peter a hard time about his lack of faith when he took in his circumstances (wind and waves) and began to sink. But I wonder if I would have had the courage and the faith to climb out of the boat!

When they got to the other side, people spotted him and once again Jesus was surrounded with people who wanted to be healed from their sickness. Couldn’t he have a break? After all, now that we know more about grieving, we understand that it takes several years and many cycles of anger and acceptance. Wouldn’t a loving Father protect him and give him a year or two to heal before returning to his ministry?

And I wonder how Jesus must have felt – giving and giving. People came after physical healing and he had so much more to give them. He obviously was drawing on a power and strength from his heavenly Father. That is why he had to spend a good portion of the night in prayer. He had to keep his focus on the things of God – not the things of man. A heavenly perspective on things could keep him from going into a great depression. A heavenly perspective on things gave him the compassion to continue healing the sick even as he was dealing with his own loss.

I wonder how many of those who where healed stuck around for the ‘more’ that Jesus had to give them? We focus so much on our physical world – understandingly so – it is the world we live in. But Jesus has so much more to offer us if we will just open our eyes to the possibilities and get out of the boat!

Seven weeks after our son has left this world, we are still being asked, “Have you gone back to work yet?” The answer is yes, we went back to work as soon as we returned from dealing with his earthly belongings (closing out his apartment, canceling utilities, etc.) and dealing with the legal issues that come with leaving this world. God, in his compassion, gave us several days to deal with the initial shock and grief. But then we could soon see that there was work to be done. There were many hurting people around us who needed assurances. Some needed to find their salvation in Christ. Some needed to return to Christ after wondering away. Some needed to hear Christ’s call to ‘step out of the boat.’

And we needed to find our ‘solitary places’, get recharged, and keep going. Jesus showed us how to do that and being his disciples, we choose to learn from him. There are a lot of good books out there about grieving. Many of them hold some good wisdom. But the book I have the most confidence in is the Word of God. That is where I find the healing and the strength I need to go on. Every day that God gives me is another day to ‘bear fruit’ for him. It is another day to walk in his strength and share his love and goodness with those I come in contact with.

And who knows… If I climb out of the boat and keep my eyes on Jesus, well, maybe I’ll have enough faith to walk on water too.

Leviticus, Jesus, and Teflon

Since the Pharisees were pretty sure they had an edge on the truth – they knew the law like no others – they decided to show the Sadducees up with their own question for Jesus. They put their best expert in the law forth to question Jesus – to prove once and for all he was a fraud and didn’t know the law. “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Matthew 22:36

I’m not sure what answer they were expecting or even what they thought the right answer was. But when Jesus was done answering them, they were left speechless and feared asking any more questions. Jesus answered them by quoting from Leviticus 19 (one of the books that keeps many of us from reading through the Bible in a year!). Over and over in Leviticus 19, the Lord says, “I am the Lord your God.” He says “Be Holy because I, the Lord your God am holy.” Leviticus 19:2 He goes through the Ten Commandments (found in Exodus 20) with addendums, constantly reminding them, “I am the Lord your God.” Then he says, “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:18

When Jesus replies to the Pharisees, he says, “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40

I like to compare Leviticus to the rules of using Teflon coated cookware. Rule after rule… don’t stack… don’t use knives or sharp objects… don’t use metal spoons… don’t overheat… and we could go on until we had at least 100 rules about the use of Teflon. Or, we could say, Teflon can be damaged by scratching the surface. Therefore, do not do anything with a Teflon coated pan that would cause it to be scratched. The difference is that we can either memorize 100 rules to preserve the Teflon (oops – forgot that one – now the Teflon is damaged) or we can think about how we are using the Teflon and constantly ask ourselves the question: Will what I am about to do damage the Teflon?

When I look at Leviticus that way, I can see that Jesus summed it up very well. Every law in Leviticus can go back to love God and love your fellow travelers in this world. Our human nature wants to make ourselves our own god and we want to lord it over those around us – to be in control. But God didn’t create us to be our own gods or to control others. He created us to walk with him and to worship him. He created us to bring glory to him.

As I journey through this world, I wonder if asking myself the question, “Is what I am about to do going to bring glory to God?” would help me come up with better responses in the many choices I make each day. Would it help me live a life that is holy – free from idolatry and full of worshiping God? I wonder if asking the question, “Is what I am about to do going to help or harm others on this life journey?” would help me to make better decisions regarding what I buy, how I spend my time, where I go, etc. Would it help me to think about justice, peace, service, caring for the poor, etc.?

I wonder if maybe the entire Word of God can be boiled down to these two commandments: Love God and Love each other. The rest is examples and explanations. I make it way more difficult than it is because I forget that I am the created… not the Creator. I am made in the image of God – and his character is holy, loving, full of mercy and grace, patient, forgiving…

Lord, help me to keep my focus simple so others will see your love and mercy through how I interact with you, with them and with the world.

Good Grief!

So many think that because we are not breaking up and succumbing to tears regularly that we are not grieving well. They are sure we are going to crash any day. To anyone who feels this way, let me assure you that there have been, there are, and there will continue to be tears. We miss our son Andrew very much and we grieve the future events we had planned… we grieve not having the wedding, we grieve not spending time together on vacation, his birthday, Christmas… we grieve not helping Andrew and Melanie move further north when she was done with her master’s program… we grieve that she has withdrawn from her master’s program to deal with her own grief… we grieve not having grandchildren a few years down the road… As we unpack and sort and determine the distribution of his belongings we grieve that he is not here to use his belongings.

Since much of that grief takes place in the privacy of our home and not in public, we do not show many tears to you, our friends. But be assured, we grieve and will continue to do so. Andrew left a huge hole in our lives – one that cannot be filled with anything but God’s continued love, mercy and grace.

BUT… we don’t grieve as the world grieves because we are not without hope. (I Thessalonians 4:12-14) “In this world you will have troubles, but take heart, I have overcome the world!” John 16:33 “O Death, where is your victory? O Grave, where is your sting?” I Corinthians 15:55 What you are seeing in us is not lack of grief, but God’s continued work in our lives.

We accept that we are in a time of trial – a refining fire. “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:1-4

Indeed, we have hope – our son is with Jesus and we will be joining him when our time on this earth is completed. Until then, we have work to do. We are not dead but very much alive. God still loves us and continues to give us strength daily to do his good works. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1 “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

We are testing these Scriptures and proving them true – over and over. God’s grace is sufficient. His presence is with us daily. We have our hope in him and plan to spend eternity with him. And God has much for us to do… there are many who do not know him and are unaware of the great love that he has for them. So we are empowered by God to move forward – to be his servants and continue to call to Christ and to disciple those whom he places in our lives.

God is good – all the time. His character has not changed because our circumstances have changed. He is still the most awesome and powerful and holy God. It is our privilege to serve him with every breath that we have. Our hope is that it is God’s power in our lives, his mercy and his grace that you are seeing.

Yes, we are grieving – a good grief – one that is filled with hope, not despair.

The Lord Speaks

As we feel the pain of losing our son, we sometimes look at one another and say, “We don’t have it as bad as Job did. He lost everything – all his sons and daughters and all his wealth and even his health.” Does God ever tell Job why this happened? What is it that the Lord is saying to Job when he finally speaks? “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand.” Job 38:4 The Lord goes on describing creation, from the universe to the living creatures and plants he placed on the earth. Then he goes on to say to Job, “Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?” Job 40:2

Job suffered much. And while we have the ‘prologue’ that tells us about the conversation between Satan and God, there is still never an answer as to why God allowed this to happen. And I wonder – do we really believe that God just allowed himself to be goaded by Satan to put Job through all this suffering? What good could possibly come from this? Is that how God takes care of those who follow his commands and worship him?

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 “I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13 “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called the oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61:1-3

How many people have gone to the book of Job looking for answers when they are in pain? If Job had never suffered, there would be no book of Job. Could it be that God was taking Satan’s ‘bright idea’ and using it to his glory?

What about the cross that Jesus suffered and died on? Did God turn his face away from the world he created and from his one and only Son? This very horrible tragedy (an innocent, righteous and perfect man was killed in a horribly painful way) was used to God’s glory and purpose in giving to us a plan for salvation – a way to reconcile and restore the human race to their Creator. If God can use an atrocity like that to his glory, could he not use Job’s suffering to his honor and glory? Can he not use my suffering to his honor and glory?

What then? Do I deny my pain and suffering? I think not… But I take my pain and suffering, my mourning and my grieving to the One who “binds up the brokenhearted… and comforts all who mourn,” and I look for the “crown of beauty” and the “oil of gladness” and I put on the “garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61 Jesus said, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.” Luke 4:21 I go to the One who knows pain and suffering, the One who chose to not call on the angels and avoid the cross, the One who provides me with “living water” and restores peace to my soul.

I’ve learned from Job that I don’t need to have an answer to the “why” but rather I will continue to worship and praise the God who created and has ownership and power over his Creation. He is the one with true wisdom and he is the one who will use everything – even my pain and suffering – to his glory and honor. Because of Jesus, I can look forward to spending eternity with him and with our son who was taken home to eternity sooner than we expected.

Our plans have been changed and there is a big hole in our lives… but I wait expectantly to see what God is doing and will continue to do. Already we see people turning their faces toward God, accepting the grace offered them, and looking forward to joining Andrew in heaven. “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” John 12:24 I truly believe heaven is rejoicing and Andrew is dancing with joy as he watches more and more souls finding their peace with God.

Apparently God has a few more things for me to do on this earth before I can join them in heaven. So my goal is to use every breath he gives me, every day to praise our God in heaven and share his Good News with others – to be a living testimony to the “goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” That’s my promise to God. And God’s promise to me is, “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8 and “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2

Jesus was walking toward the boat containing his disciples – on water. “’Lord, if it’s you,’ Peter replied, ‘tell me to come to you on the water.’ ‘Come,’ he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.” Matthew 14:28-31a I feel a bit like Peter – I’ve left the safety of my boat. But my confidence is in Christ. If I keep my eyes on him and not my circumstances (the water I am walking on and the wind that is blowing me), I will be able to continue this journey safely. And if I look away for a moment and begin to sink as I think about my circumstances, I trust Jesus will reach out his hand and catch me.

We serve an awesome God. He is the Creator of the universe and all that is in it – including our son and including me – and he has sovereign power over all of it and can use it to his purposes. I am filled with wonder and amazed and humbled by his grace. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Does God Care About the Details?

For 40 days, Moses met with God on the mountain. During that time, God told Moses in extreme detail how to design, make and put together the Tabernacle – the colors to be used, the materials to be used, how to get the materials to be used and who would do the actual work. This included the details of the content of the incense to be burned on the Altar of Incense and the incense that was to be ground into fine powder and put in front of the Testimony and the Tent of Meeting. God must have impressed this on Moses’ brain because I’m pretty sure he didn’t have a legal pad and pen let alone a laptop to take notes. Yet he was able to oversee the building of the Tabernacle down to the finest detail. The only written notes that we are aware of is what God had given him: “the two tablets of the Testimony, the tablets of stone inscribed by the finger of God.” Exodus 31:18b

Many people today believe that God created the world – at least in some fashion. They believe that he got it going and then stepped aside and that he doesn’t care about the details in our lives. But as I read through the Bible, I keep seeing details… Abraham, you are to leave and go to the land I will show you… Isaac, you are to stay put and not go back… Jacob, I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying… Joseph, you will rule over your brothers… Moses, you will lead the people out of slavery and back to the land I have promised them… Here are my plans for you (right down to the number of loops and rings to hold the curtains in place) so you can meet with me in spite of your unholiness… David, I choose you to be king over Israel… Hezekiah, I will rescue you from the armies that surround you… Daniel, I will shut the lion’s mouths so they will not harm you… and on into the New Testament where Jesus touched people and they were healed, he spoke to their emotions, their lifestyles and choices they made, he raised people from the dead, and he spoke new life into people who had no hope. To me, this is a God of detail.

So I wonder… Can I trust God to work out the details in my life? Does he care about what clothes I buy or where I go for vacation? Will he open up a parking space for me or make an opening in traffic when I need to merge? How far does this detail God go?

The more intimate with God I become, the more details in my life I see affected by him… yes, even the detail of my son’s death a month ago. My human nature wants to yell, “Why would you do this to me, God?” But in my soul there is a peace that says, “Yes, I can trust you God, even with this difficult and sad detail in my life because I know that your love for me is still amazing and that you won’t leave me without the help I need to travel on this journey and the hope and knowledge that we will be together again in eternity.”

Our son’s fiancée told us that he would not so much as buy a shirt without seeking God’s wisdom. We know that to be true about him. He cared about justice – will my buying this shirt cause someone else to suffer? Was it made in a ‘sweatshop’ where people are taken advantage of so the wealthy can buy things for less money? Is the company that made this shirt known to be caring and fare or does it hurt people in need? Do I really need this shirt?

Yes, I believe God cares about the details in our lives… and he expects us to care about them too. God’s heart for the poor, the widow, the fatherless, the sick, those who are mourning comes through over and over in Scripture. God expects us to care for those who need to be cared for. He expects us to care about how others are affected by our decisions. He expects us to love others like he loves them – even those we find unlovable. And if we are open to it, he teaches us with his wisdom to see these things and to know how to respond.

Does God care about a parking space? Yes, but not necessarily the way I think he should. If he needs me to meet someone and I won’t be able to if I have to walk a quarter mile to get there, he may open a close space for me. If I need the exercise and/or the fresh air or to see the beauty of his creation or there is someone else I need to meet on the way, he may let me walk the quarter mile.

Yes, I believe God cares about the details. The question is do I and am I open to God’s wisdom to show me what he would like me to see.

Lord, open my eyes to see the details as you see them and to respond to them with your wisdom and love.

I Am the Lord Their God

“They will know that I am the Lord their God, who brought them out of Egypt so that I might dwell among them. I am the Lord their God.” Exodus 29:46

Moses spent 40 days and 40 nights with the Lord on the mountain. Following that time, he taught the Israelites what God had told him. The Ten Commandments teach us how to live in relationship with God and with each other. The building of the Tabernacle teaches us about our Holy God who is to be honored and respected and praised. It also teaches us about the Christ who was to come. It teaches us about the Mercy Seat, where we can go for confession, forgiveness, and healing and wisdom.

I wonder about the sacrifices of bulls, lambs, goats, doves, grain and wine. What is the significance of these specific animals and foods to be used for burnt offerings? What is the significance of blood on the horns of the altar? It all seems like such a foreign concept to me.

I wonder if the significance of these things was clear to the Israelites at the time or if they were just being obedient to what Moses was telling them God told them to do. As I think about this tribal culture that was dwelling in tents, it occurs to me that when they went to Egypt, they were shepherds. They were given a specific area to settle with their flocks and herds. Staying in Egypt had likely changed them a lot because of the different things available to them there – more luxurious life. As they came out of Egypt, they were once again returning to their tents and herding of animals. Therefore, these animals and the grain and wine would have been their sustenance. It would have been the sign of their wealth. Is it possible God was asking for these specific animals, grain and wine because he was helping them to let go of their trust in what they thought their provision was and to trust him to provide for them?

And I wonder what it is that God would have me bring as a sacrifice to him. What is it in my life that would cause me to place my trust in other places and not in the Lord my God? What is it in my life that would distract me from worshipping the Lord of my life?

Because I am on a journey of grief, I find myself very vulnerable and exposed. What is it God wants me to put on this altar? Is it my ideas and dreams of what the future should hold? Is it my confidence in other human beings to meet my physical and emotional needs? Is it the busy schedules in my life that distract me from worshipping my Lord? Is it my fear of handing these things to God because of my uncertainty of what he will do with them?

When I bring all of these things to the altar, I am released from the hold they have on me. It is just me and God now. My trust is in God alone. God brings me out of my ‘Egypt’ so that I will know that he is God. The amazing thing is that this Holy God wants to dwell among us! His desire is for us to be in relationship with him. My desire is to praise him and live my life in a way that honors and glorifies him. When I finally put on the altar all the things that hinder me, I am free to move forward with God and able to hear his wisdom and plans for me. While there are still some things to do on this earth, his ultimate plan for me is to dwell with him.

“I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’” Revelation 21:2-4

Firstborn Son

“Do not hold back offerings from your granaries or your vats. You must give me the firstborn of your sons.” Exodus 22:29

It’s not a new concept to me. But this morning, it jumped off the page at me and I wondered, what it is that God wants to do with the firstborn? Why was this important to him?

I remember well the birth of our firstborn son. I remember being in awe of God that he would create this new life within me and birth it into this world. I remember a new journey beginning with God – seeing him as a loving parent who loves, nurtures, disciplines, and encourages his children. I knew then that raising a child needed to be done hand-in-hand with God. Our son was a gift from God and we dedicated him to God. We were thrilled when at age 12 he asked to be baptized. We nurtured, watched and encouraged his spiritual journey having long discussions about the heart of God regarding matters in this world.

As I ponder what God has to say about the firstborn in Scripture, I see that it involves birthrights, inheritance, carrying on the family line. The firstborn becomes even more significant in Scripture when the Israelites are freed from slavery in Egypt. The last of the plagues was the angel of death passing over and taking the firstborn of man and animal from the Egyptians. The Israelites were spared because of the Passover lamb they sacrificed and the blood placed on their doorposts – the entrance to their homes. God had told Moses, “When you return to Egypt, see that you perform before Pharaoh all the wonders I have given you the power to do. But I will harden his heart so that he will not let the people go. Then say to Pharaoh, ‘This is what the Lord says: Israel is my firstborn son, and I told you, “Let my son go, so he may worship me.” But you refused to let him go; so I will kill your firstborn son.’” Exodus 4:21-23 And that is what happened.

And then comes the instruction to “Consecrate to me every firstborn male. The first offspring of every womb among the Israelites belongs to me, whether man or animal.” Exodus 13:2 And this is followed by, “Redeem every firstborn among your sons. In days to come, when your son asks you, ‘What does this mean?’ say to him, ‘With a mighty hand the Lord brought us out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. When Pharaoh stubbornly refused to let us go, the Lord killed every firstborn in Egypt, both man and animal. This is why I sacrifice to the Lord the first male offspring of every womb and redeem each of my firstborn sons.’ And it will be like a sign on your hand and a symbol on your forehead that the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand.” Exodus 13:13-16 This became an important part of the old covenant – an important event to commemorate through the years – God’s deliverance from slavery and leading them to the Promised Land.

Zechariah bridges the old and new covenants with his prophecy: “And I will pour out on the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem a spirit of grace and supplication. They will look on me, the one they have pierced, and they will mourn for him as one mourns for an only child, and grieve bitterly for him as one grieves for a firstborn son.” Zechariah 12:10

And then the big event occurred – the one that changed how we relate to God. “And she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.” Luke 2:7 At age 12, Jesus was in the temple, “sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking questions. Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers.” Luke 2:46-47 Jesus was a young adult when he went to the cross. You could say he was just entering the prime of his life.

Jesus was the “firstborn among many brothers,” Romans 8:29. He was our “Passover Lamb,” I Corinthians 5:7 And he brings us to Mount Zion: “But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.” Hebrews 12:22-23

The reason the firstborn is so significant in Scripture is that, “God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17

God gave his firstborn Son so that any who receive him would be saved and spend eternity with him. I’m sure that it grieved his heart to do so – it grieves his heart at the need to do so. But his love for us was so great that he was willing to do this. I find myself unable to fully comprehend how great his love is for us.

Our firstborn son was a gift from God, he belonged to God, and we needed to hold him with an open hand – allow him to be used of God according to God’s purposes. And now, tears flow freely as I fall into my loving Father’s arms and understand once again that he knows my grief at losing my firstborn son. But he had purposes for his firstborn Son and he has purposes for my firstborn son – even in their deaths. While his Son’s death and resurrection provided the way for us to come to God: “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” II Corinthians 5:21, our son’s death has and continues to point many to Christ. What joy and celebration in heaven as more of God’s lost children seek him and find him!

No, I don’t believe you have to be a firstborn son to be of use to God, but somehow, I feel a little closer to the heart of God in that we share that grief of losing our firstborn sons to death. And I have this hope and knowledge that death isn’t the end. Jesus rose on the third day and ascended into heaven where he promises that all those who believe in him will join him for eternity. I look forward to joining our firstborn son there soon. And I look forward to seeing God’s firstborn Son face to face and being able to join our son and others who are already there praising and worshiping our Lord and King.

Enough is All We Need

It wasn’t long after leaving Egypt that the Israelites began to grumble to Moses. They were remembering the pots of meat and having full stomachs. Somehow, they were forgetting the slavery and edicts to kill all the male babies among them. They were beginning to think about turning around and going back to Egypt.

God had them on a journey to fulfill the Covenant he had with them – giving them the land flowing with milk and honey – he would be their God and they would be his people. But rather than looking ahead to what God was doing with them and for them, they insisted on looking back at what they were leaving behind (with colored glasses on so as not to see the bad, only the good).

God was more than ready for their challenge. He knew he had to get their minds off Egypt so they could move forward to the Promised Land. He needed them to get their eyes on him and know that he was God. He told Moses to tell the people, “At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God.” Exodus 16:12

God provided manna for them, commanding them, “Each one is to gather as much as he needs.” Exodus 16:16 If they gathered too much, it became full of maggots – except on the 6th day. They were to gather enough for two days in order to keep the Sabbath. And on that day, it did not spoil. “The Israelites ate manna forty years, until they came to the land that was settled; they ate manna until they reached the border of Canaan.” Exodus 15:35

I wonder how many times I look back wishing for what was rather than looking ahead to where God is leading me. I’m especially aware of this right now because I keep looking back wanting things to be the same as they were. I don’t want to go forward through my desert of grief over losing our 28-year-old son. I want to go back to where he was alive and well and we could talk and spend time together laughing and enjoying each other’s company. There were so many good things back there. Not that he was an ‘Egypt’. He was a very godly young man – seeking God with all his heart. But why would I want him stuck in his mortal flesh again when he has experienced heaven and being with Jesus in all his glory?

And so I turn and look ahead wondering where the Lord is leading me. I don’t know what my future will look like. It will be different from what I thought it would look like. Sometimes I become very anxious with not knowing. But one thing I trust and that is that my God will supply the ‘manna’ I need each day. I don’t need to be greedy and try to store up for the next day because just as he provided today, he will provide tomorrow and the next day and the next. My responsibility is to gather what he has put before me – just enough for today. And as long as I need it, he will provide for me – even if it is 40 years.

What does this ‘manna’ look like? Unlike the manna of the Israelites that was the same day after day, the ‘manna’ I receive is different. It is mostly found in my quiet time with God as he whispers his love and compassion into my soul through his words preserved in Scripture. But it is also the prayers of others, the cards, the reminders of God’s promises, the meal brought in on the day I’m too tired to prepare one, the hug I desperately need, the grace people have with me when I’m slow getting things done, and the peace and joy found in watching a sunset or a daffodil emerging from the soil or the birds eating the seeds put out for them in the snow.

God is reminding me each day, “I am the Lord your God…I will provide enough for you each day whatever your need is that day. You do not need to go on this journey alone. I am with you every step of the way.” And somehow, I believe God has special things planned if I’m willing to stick with him.

Thank you, Lord, for your provision for me for today. I choose to trust you with today and with my future. Thank you for those who have become part of your plan to provide for me. Thank you for going before me and leading the way. I love you, Lord. Amen

Awesome in Glory

“Who among the gods is like you, O Lord? Who is like you – majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders? … In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling… You will bring them in and plant them on the mountain of your inheritance, the place, O Lord, you made for your dwelling, the sanctuary, O Lord, your hands established. The Lord will reign for ever and ever.” Exodus 15:11, 13, 17-18

Some friends are concerned that I am not grieving enough. They believe I should be angry with God because our 28-year-old son died. Of course my heart aches at not seeing his smile, hearing his gregarious laughter, or receiving and giving those bear hugs anymore in this life. There are times when my heart is overwhelmed by grief. But it is my sorrow for myself – my missing him. He has been an important part of my life on this earth. There are many habits tied up in those memories… wanting to buy a favorite food at the grocery store, wanting to make a special meal that he really likes, longing to discuss an idea from a book I just read, enjoying a photograph he took… And there are memories we were looking forward to making with him and his lovely bride to be, vacations together, possibly grandchildren down the road...

But I cannot be angry with God. It was Eve that took the fruit from the tree that led to sin and death entering this world. And if it hadn’t been her, it would have been the next person. We all have this idea we want to be our own god and make our own choices. When we think we know better than God how something should be and choose our way, we are committing the same sin Eve did in taking the fruit. We are being disobedient to the God of all creation. But God, loving us so much and knowing we would make that choice, made a way for us to be back in right relationship with him making him Lord of our lives. He has prepared a glorious place for us when we are done in this world and we know our son is in that glorious place. It won’t be long until we will be together again in the presence of Jesus, singing praises to the Lord of all.

We grieve but not as the world grieves. “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of the men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him… Therefore, encourage each other with these words.” I Thessalonians 4:13-14, 18

The source of my joy is my Salvation in Jesus Christ. It is knowing that he is with me every day and that I will spend eternity with my Lord and Savior. And now I look forward even more to that day because Andrew is waiting for us there. It seems the veil between life and death has gotten thinner for me. Death has lost its sting because it is merely a passage from this world to the next – not an end. Jesus taught us that and showed us that in his death and resurrection. That reality is stronger than ever for me.

God did not change because my circumstances have changed.“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 If God was awesome January 23, 2011, before our son died, he was just as awesome January 24 and January 25 and February 16, 2011, after our son died. The same God that loved me before Andrew’s death still loves me and carries me tenderly through this difficult circumstance in my life. In fact, his love has become even more obvious to me as he gently leads me through this valley. I truly believe that God will not take us where he has not gone before us and prepared the way.

Most mothers share two worst fears: losing their spouse and losing a child. I was no exception. Significant separation anxiety was a normal part of my life. God patiently taught and nurtured me year by year and especially for the last 10-15 years has consistently placed people and circumstances in my life to help me deal with my mortality and the mortality of my family and increase my faith and trust in him. In fact a few weeks before our son’s death, I felt God say to me, “I think you are ready. Your trust of me has grown to the point that you could deal with significant loss and still trust my love for you.” I responded with, “Maybe, but I don’t want to try it out.” I always wanted the growth in faith that I saw in people who went through hard times, but didn’t want to go through the hard times to get there.

God in his going before us provided us with many delightful experiences to lessen the blow of losing our son. He tenderly prepared us and has continued to walk with us every step of the way.

Though Andrew lived in another state (12 hours of driving away), using a short Thanksgiving break (Thursday through Sunday), our son made sure he spent time with family and friends as he and his fiancé made a quick about 1,800-mile tour to spend time with her family, his grandparents and great aunt, his parents, friends in two different states, and got back home safely, exhausted but happy. This has become part of our son’s finishing his life on this earth well. He valued family and friends and was, in a way, able to say good-bye. God blessed us with a special sweet memory to hold on to.

A change in plans added two days on to our time spent with Andrew in his apartment from December 24-January 3. We always enjoyed time with him, but these days were especially sweet, filled with good family time, laughter, friends, Christmas joy, and special gifts with meaning. We returned home filled with joy and contentment because of that special time together. Again, this was part of Andrew’s finishing life on this earth well. He valued family and enjoyed spending time together – another sweet memory to hold on to - a special gift of extended time together.

The day prior to his death, Andrew called home and we talked over an hour on the telephone. Conversations with him were always a delight. He and I enjoyed ‘rabbit trailing’ and wandered through many topics, just enjoying each other and loving the sound of each other’s voices. One of the topics was his new Honda Insight. He was telling me how it had a long blind spot, but he figured out how to set the mirrors to eliminate the blind spot all together. He went into great detail about it. How did he know that in just a couple of days I would need to drive his car in heavy Atlanta traffic and would need to know how to set the mirrors to help me? We lingered in our conversation, not wanting to say good-bye. Did our spirits within us know that this would be our last conversation on this earth? Another sweet memory to hold on to – this one with a special detail only God would have known I’d need.

While we were still trying to breathe and wrap our brains around what was happening, family members stepped in and began to carry the ‘detail’ load that we could not think clearly enough to handle. They ordered plane tickets for us and told us when and where to get on the plane. They made lists of things we needed to do and people we needed to speak to including phone numbers to help us stay on track. They chauffeured us through heavy city traffic to appointments with a lawyer, funeral home, medical examiner office, etc. They made sure we were fed, had a place to sleep, and shared memories and cried with us. God provided family to care for us.

Our son’s fiancé and her family were able to be with us the entire week and we cried together, supported each other with many hugs and assurances, and planned how to care for the body and how to honor his wishes with a memorial service of praise and worship and God’s message of hope and salvation shared with all who would come. While we were beginning to develop relationship with the family, that week bonded us for life. God gave us each other to walk through this valley together. We are not alone.

Friends in the state where we chose to bury our son took over the details of the memorial service, making phone calls, designing and printing programs, getting others involved with preparing and serving a meal following the service, parking details, etc. They walked us through the planning as we chose who would speak, sing, lead songs, etc. How precious these friends were as they housed and fed us and walked with us through one of the hardest days of our lives. God provided friends to care for us.

Andrew had written a paper for a college class entitled, “Plans for My Funeral.” One of the things stressed in that paper was that he wanted those who knew his God and Savior to celebrate with him that he was enjoying eternity in heaven. He also wanted to make sure that people heard the Gospel and for any who were not saved, he was asking them to give their hearts and lives to Jesus so they could join him in his eternal home. God led so that about 800 people through 4 separate memorial services heard this message. A video made for extended family who could not be at the service will continue to share this message. God in his infinite wisdom had a plan to honor our son’s request – more than we could imagine!

Andrew had a tender heart for those the world tends to see as problems or of no value. He took up their cause and tried to give them a ‘leg up’ whenever he could. His job was helping jobless people get back into the job market by training and giving them experience. He spent volunteer hours helping homeless people through organizations that feed and care for the homeless. In memory of his tender heart toward those in need, we asked that people send money to one of several shelters rather than flowers. Money continues to come in that we are aware of and there may be more that we are not aware of yet. God is helping those our son would have helped should he still be living.

Yes, God has tenderly held our hearts and souls close to him as he walks with us through this valley of the shadow of death. He has assured us our son is in a better place where we will soon join him. Life is but a breath. Eternity is forever. We believe Andrew is dancing with the angels, playing his drums and singing praises to the one he served while here on this earth. He is in the most joyful place of all. His life and his death have served his Lord and King well.

Yes, our God is an amazing God – worthy of our praise even as we grieve! Lord, keep my eyes open to see your mighty outstretched arm reaching down and tenderly touching our lives with your deep love.

Well done, Andrew. Enjoy your eternal rest with Jesus. We’ll see you soon.

Be Still

The Israelites were in a tough spot – a sea on one side and one of the best, if not the best, armies in the world on the other. Pharaoh took all his ‘super’ chariots (600 of them) plus all his other chariots, horses and horsemen and troops and pursued the Israelites. Could it appear any more bleak for the Israelites? They were losing confidence in Moses and his God – their God – pretty fast. They even thought slavery in Egypt looked better than what was obviously coming – dying in the desert.

Moses encouraged the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the Deliverance the Lord will bring you today… The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:13-14

God parted the sea, dried up the ground with his wind and sent the Israelites across while, “The angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel’s army, withdrew and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them, coming between the armies of Egypt and Israel.” Exodus 14:19 As the Egyptians pursued them, “The Lord looked down from the pillar of fire and cloud at the Egyptian army and threw it into confusion. He made the wheels of their chariots come off so that they had difficulty driving… the Lord swept them into the sea… not one of them survived.” Exodus 14:24-25; 27-28

Sometimes, the circumstances I face in this world seem like a sea on one side and a vast army on the other. I think I need to fight with all my might even though I know I will lose. Then I hear God’s voice, “You need only to be still… The Lord will fight for you.”

When the sea of grief overwhelms me, God is my strength. I trust him to knock the wheels off of the fears that pursue me and drown the armies of discouragement that want to take me down. I see God standing between me and my circumstances, protecting me and guiding me out to the other side while disabling and drowning my enemy.

Today I choose to put my trust in the God that loves me, guides me and goes before me and behind me. He is the “Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.” Revelation 22:13 He knows the way out and I will follow him.